Thoughtful Thursday

How To Stay Awake In Class

Recently, I was wide awake and completely focused in class. Because of my condition, I thought it might be useful for others to know the important steps that someone should take if they are sleepy or disinterested in class and don't want to start snoring. So here are ten tips on how to stay awake:

1. Chew gum

It is a curious fact that chewing gum helps you stay awake. Perhaps it is due to the sugar or maybe the mint flavor of the gum. Possibly, the concentration required to continuously chew keeps the chewer alert. It is also possible that chewing gum in class helps keep you awake due to the pain caused by your classmates throwing their books at you in an effort to stop the infuriatingly annoying sound of your incessant chewing. Always remember, folks, chew with your mouth closed.

2. Imagine that everyone is in their underwear

Now, this is obviously not something that you should do all the time. In fact, it is very rarely that you should ever imagine that the people you are looking at are in their underwear. Failure to be cautious in this matter may result in gagging, vomiting, or uncontrollable laughter. The person you are considering applying your imagination to should not be physically grotesque or misshapen. In the right circumstances, however, your imagination can keep you amply entertained so that you do not doze off.

3. Take notes

While taking notes on what the professor is saying is an acceptable tactic, often this is simply not interesting enough to keep the student interested. So consider taking notes in an unconventional way. Perhaps you might write a parody of everything the professor is saying. Maybe you could write your personal thoughts on the course material. You might even write a list of the top ten ways to stay awake in class. The possibilities are endless.

4. Pass notes

Don't have any friends in class? Doesn't matter. Pass notes to your classmates anyways. Of course, this could lead to some awkward situations, like unwittingly passing a note that reads, "THIS PROFESSOR SUX OMG" to a teaching assistant. That could be bad. Or passing a humorous note to someone with no sense of humor. That never turns out well. What does work every time in college is passing around a petition. What are you petitioning for? Doesn't matter. People will sign it and get excited anyways because people love to sign petitions in college. Then you can sit back and watch as the revolution you've started takes on a life of its own.

5. Origami

Not everyone knows origami. I sure don't. But that should not stop you from attempting to fold paper into familiar shapes. Surely you have a notebook, correct? And you aren't writing on all that paper, are you? So put it to good use and make some paper airplanes or swans or paper claws. You wouldn't want to waste paper, would you?

6. Crossword puzzles

Sudoku is also satisfactory in this situation. It is important to match the type of puzzle with the subject of the class you are sitting in. A Sudoku puzzle might be appropriate for a math class, but then again, a word search might be more ironic. Feel free to mix and match to achieve maximum entertainment.

7. Care about the material

This is the hardest one to achieve. Most people cannot choose to start caring about something whenever they want to. On the other hand, some people care about nothing. No matter what your personality, finding something interesting about what the professor is saying is surefire way to stay awake in class.

8. Twirl your writing instrument

Have you ever seen those crazy kids in class who can make their pen dance like a hot potato? Learn how to do that and you can keep yourself fascinated for hours. Alternatively, you can just watch other people twirl their pens. That works too.

9. Stab yourself in the leg

This one is a bit risky because there is a chance you'll hit a major artery and bleed out. One of the few things worse than boredom is dying. But applied correctly, the sheer self-inflicted pain can easily take your mind of the excruciating boredom you are suffering in class. Have you ever seen someone fall asleep after having been stabbed in the leg? I didn't think so.

10. Do homework

If you would like to maximize your time while in class without paying attention to the lecture, just do homework. It can be homework for that class or for another class, doesn't really matter. Of course, there is the slight matter of the struggle to stay awake while doing homework. But here's a more pressing question: why do they call it homework in college? The kids who dorm in college don't go home to do their homework. Really, they should call it "librarywork" or "laptopwork". Of course, if they wanted a more descriptive name, they could just call it "crappywork".