How To Be Cool
Be popular
If everybody likes you, you are cool. Listening to pop music, wearing popular styles, and speaking popular slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the more you look and act like everybody else, the cooler you are.
Be unpopular
If nobody likes you, you are cool. Listening to indie music, wearing strange clothing, and creating your own slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the less you are like anyone else, the cooler you are.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
How To Be Cool
Be Smart
Get a bunch of degrees, read a lot of books and newspapers, wear glasses, and speak proper English. This will make you cool.
Be Dumb
Drop out of school, eschew books, wear baseball caps, and speak a lot of slang. This will make you cool.
Be Smart
Get a bunch of degrees, read a lot of books and newspapers, wear glasses, and speak proper English. This will make you cool.
Be Dumb
Drop out of school, eschew books, wear baseball caps, and speak a lot of slang. This will make you cool.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
The Null Hypothesis
Significance? Significance!?
Not at all, not in this instance.
Want to hear a joke? Relevance.
Au contraire, what is real is chance.
Even Voltaire can't change my stance,
Not for all of the bread of France.
Stubborn? No, my pate is emanced!
Oh, I know there is much romance
In thinking we control our dance;
Do not forget that in your pants
Are the creatures that we call ants;
So small, yet how you prance and prance!
For at just the tip of a lance,
Your promises are blown to Nantes.
Significance? Significance!?
Not at all, not in this instance.
Want to hear a joke? Relevance.
Au contraire, what is real is chance.
Even Voltaire can't change my stance,
Not for all of the bread of France.
Stubborn? No, my pate is emanced!
Oh, I know there is much romance
In thinking we control our dance;
Do not forget that in your pants
Are the creatures that we call ants;
So small, yet how you prance and prance!
For at just the tip of a lance,
Your promises are blown to Nantes.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
How To Stay Awake In Class
Recently, I was wide awake and completely focused in class. Because of my condition, I thought it might be useful for others to know the important steps that someone should take if they are sleepy or disinterested in class and don't want to start snoring. So here are ten tips on how to stay awake:
1. Chew gum
It is a curious fact that chewing gum helps you stay awake. Perhaps it is due to the sugar or maybe the mint flavor of the gum. Possibly, the concentration required to continuously chew keeps the chewer alert. It is also possible that chewing gum in class helps keep you awake due to the pain caused by your classmates throwing their books at you in an effort to stop the infuriatingly annoying sound of your incessant chewing. Always remember, folks, chew with your mouth closed.
2. Imagine that everyone is in their underwear
Now, this is obviously not something that you should do all the time. In fact, it is very rarely that you should ever imagine that the people you are looking at are in their underwear. Failure to be cautious in this matter may result in gagging, vomiting, or uncontrollable laughter. The person you are considering applying your imagination to should not be physically grotesque or misshapen. In the right circumstances, however, your imagination can keep you amply entertained so that you do not doze off.
3. Take notes
While taking notes on what the professor is saying is an acceptable tactic, often this is simply not interesting enough to keep the student interested. So consider taking notes in an unconventional way. Perhaps you might write a parody of everything the professor is saying. Maybe you could write your personal thoughts on the course material. You might even write a list of the top ten ways to stay awake in class. The possibilities are endless.
4. Pass notes
Don't have any friends in class? Doesn't matter. Pass notes to your classmates anyways. Of course, this could lead to some awkward situations, like unwittingly passing a note that reads, "THIS PROFESSOR SUX OMG" to a teaching assistant. That could be bad. Or passing a humorous note to someone with no sense of humor. That never turns out well. What does work every time in college is passing around a petition. What are you petitioning for? Doesn't matter. People will sign it and get excited anyways because people love to sign petitions in college. Then you can sit back and watch as the revolution you've started takes on a life of its own.
5. Origami
Not everyone knows origami. I sure don't. But that should not stop you from attempting to fold paper into familiar shapes. Surely you have a notebook, correct? And you aren't writing on all that paper, are you? So put it to good use and make some paper airplanes or swans or paper claws. You wouldn't want to waste paper, would you?
6. Crossword puzzles
Sudoku is also satisfactory in this situation. It is important to match the type of puzzle with the subject of the class you are sitting in. A Sudoku puzzle might be appropriate for a math class, but then again, a word search might be more ironic. Feel free to mix and match to achieve maximum entertainment.
7. Care about the material
This is the hardest one to achieve. Most people cannot choose to start caring about something whenever they want to. On the other hand, some people care about nothing. No matter what your personality, finding something interesting about what the professor is saying is surefire way to stay awake in class.
8. Twirl your writing instrument
Have you ever seen those crazy kids in class who can make their pen dance like a hot potato? Learn how to do that and you can keep yourself fascinated for hours. Alternatively, you can just watch other people twirl their pens. That works too.
9. Stab yourself in the leg
This one is a bit risky because there is a chance you'll hit a major artery and bleed out. One of the few things worse than boredom is dying. But applied correctly, the sheer self-inflicted pain can easily take your mind of the excruciating boredom you are suffering in class. Have you ever seen someone fall asleep after having been stabbed in the leg? I didn't think so.
10. Do homework
If you would like to maximize your time while in class without paying attention to the lecture, just do homework. It can be homework for that class or for another class, doesn't really matter. Of course, there is the slight matter of the struggle to stay awake while doing homework. But here's a more pressing question: why do they call it homework in college? The kids who dorm in college don't go home to do their homework. Really, they should call it "librarywork" or "laptopwork". Of course, if they wanted a more descriptive name, they could just call it "crappywork".
Recently, I was wide awake and completely focused in class. Because of my condition, I thought it might be useful for others to know the important steps that someone should take if they are sleepy or disinterested in class and don't want to start snoring. So here are ten tips on how to stay awake:
1. Chew gum
It is a curious fact that chewing gum helps you stay awake. Perhaps it is due to the sugar or maybe the mint flavor of the gum. Possibly, the concentration required to continuously chew keeps the chewer alert. It is also possible that chewing gum in class helps keep you awake due to the pain caused by your classmates throwing their books at you in an effort to stop the infuriatingly annoying sound of your incessant chewing. Always remember, folks, chew with your mouth closed.
2. Imagine that everyone is in their underwear
Now, this is obviously not something that you should do all the time. In fact, it is very rarely that you should ever imagine that the people you are looking at are in their underwear. Failure to be cautious in this matter may result in gagging, vomiting, or uncontrollable laughter. The person you are considering applying your imagination to should not be physically grotesque or misshapen. In the right circumstances, however, your imagination can keep you amply entertained so that you do not doze off.
3. Take notes
While taking notes on what the professor is saying is an acceptable tactic, often this is simply not interesting enough to keep the student interested. So consider taking notes in an unconventional way. Perhaps you might write a parody of everything the professor is saying. Maybe you could write your personal thoughts on the course material. You might even write a list of the top ten ways to stay awake in class. The possibilities are endless.
4. Pass notes
Don't have any friends in class? Doesn't matter. Pass notes to your classmates anyways. Of course, this could lead to some awkward situations, like unwittingly passing a note that reads, "THIS PROFESSOR SUX OMG" to a teaching assistant. That could be bad. Or passing a humorous note to someone with no sense of humor. That never turns out well. What does work every time in college is passing around a petition. What are you petitioning for? Doesn't matter. People will sign it and get excited anyways because people love to sign petitions in college. Then you can sit back and watch as the revolution you've started takes on a life of its own.
5. Origami
Not everyone knows origami. I sure don't. But that should not stop you from attempting to fold paper into familiar shapes. Surely you have a notebook, correct? And you aren't writing on all that paper, are you? So put it to good use and make some paper airplanes or swans or paper claws. You wouldn't want to waste paper, would you?
6. Crossword puzzles
Sudoku is also satisfactory in this situation. It is important to match the type of puzzle with the subject of the class you are sitting in. A Sudoku puzzle might be appropriate for a math class, but then again, a word search might be more ironic. Feel free to mix and match to achieve maximum entertainment.
7. Care about the material
This is the hardest one to achieve. Most people cannot choose to start caring about something whenever they want to. On the other hand, some people care about nothing. No matter what your personality, finding something interesting about what the professor is saying is surefire way to stay awake in class.
8. Twirl your writing instrument
Have you ever seen those crazy kids in class who can make their pen dance like a hot potato? Learn how to do that and you can keep yourself fascinated for hours. Alternatively, you can just watch other people twirl their pens. That works too.
9. Stab yourself in the leg
This one is a bit risky because there is a chance you'll hit a major artery and bleed out. One of the few things worse than boredom is dying. But applied correctly, the sheer self-inflicted pain can easily take your mind of the excruciating boredom you are suffering in class. Have you ever seen someone fall asleep after having been stabbed in the leg? I didn't think so.
10. Do homework
If you would like to maximize your time while in class without paying attention to the lecture, just do homework. It can be homework for that class or for another class, doesn't really matter. Of course, there is the slight matter of the struggle to stay awake while doing homework. But here's a more pressing question: why do they call it homework in college? The kids who dorm in college don't go home to do their homework. Really, they should call it "librarywork" or "laptopwork". Of course, if they wanted a more descriptive name, they could just call it "crappywork".
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
Foolish Phrases VI
"It ain't over 'til it's over."
Really? Do I really have to say anything about this one? C'mon people. Of course it isn't over until it's over. But guess what? 90% of the time that people say this, it really is over. Give up already. Or at least be gracious and admit that you've lost.
Alternatives:
"I think we can stage a comeback."
"We've lost."
"I can't think of anything else to say that's motivational."
"I am clueless."
"It ain't over 'til it's over."
Really? Do I really have to say anything about this one? C'mon people. Of course it isn't over until it's over. But guess what? 90% of the time that people say this, it really is over. Give up already. Or at least be gracious and admit that you've lost.
Alternatives:
"I think we can stage a comeback."
"We've lost."
"I can't think of anything else to say that's motivational."
"I am clueless."
Friday, September 4, 2009
Funny Friday
New York Vs. (Part II)
While New York takes some time to lick its wounds after a bloody civil war, Bloomberg annexes Connecticut. Connecticut meekly complies after they realize that everybody in Connecticut works in Manhattan anyways. There is a bit of a squabble as Yale attempts a demonstration against New York's aggressiveness but the uprising is quelled as soon as New York gives them a research grant.
This week, New York goes after New Jersey. Why would New York want to attack New Jersey? There's a few reasons. First of all, they're holding our football teams hostage. Secondly, they are on the other side of the George Washington Bridge; we can't conquer the world if we have to pay a toll every time we cross the GWB.
Here's the breakdown:
New York vs. New Jersey
Population
NY: 18 million or so, accounting for losses incurred during the civil war.
NJ: 8 million
Advantage: NY
Intelligence
NY: Columbia, Cornell, Yale
NJ: Princeton and has the most engineers and scientists per square mile in the world.
Advantage: NJ
Money
NY: About $20 billion deficit
NJ: About $4 billion deficit
Advantage: NJ
Weaponry
NY: A lot of guns
NJ: Not so many guns
Advantage: NY
Miscellaneous
NY: General coolness
NJ: The Mafia, Atlantic City, natural olfactory defenses
Advantage: NJ
Prognosis
First, a Cold War begins as each state attempts to take control over the Port Authority. Rampant espionage and black ops ensue. NJ eventually wins out due to their vast experience in organized crime.
Undeterred by this setback, NY prepares a massive assault with a large continent of cops armed with shotguns, assault rifles, helicopters, etc. However, they are easily driven back by the smell of NJ's swamps.
For a moment it looks as though NY is left defenseless and all of NJ's gangsters threaten to march down the GWB and attack NY directly. In a last-ditch effort, however, NY floods the GWB with cabs, stopping the NJ counterattack in its tracks.
This move buys little time as the gangsters begin to buy off the cabbies one by one, but NY finds the best plan. NY gathers up all of its helicopters and airplanes and airdrops tons of sludge onto NJ. The combination of NJ smell and NY smells is too much and everyone in NJ is knocked unconscious. NY's soldiers recover, march across the GWB, and claim NJ as NY's property. As a result of the massive sludge drop, nobody can live in NJ for the next 50 years, but NY wins this round nonetheless.
Next week
While New York has been locked in a struggle against New Jersey for control of the Mid-Atlantic, a dark force is rising to the northeast...
While New York takes some time to lick its wounds after a bloody civil war, Bloomberg annexes Connecticut. Connecticut meekly complies after they realize that everybody in Connecticut works in Manhattan anyways. There is a bit of a squabble as Yale attempts a demonstration against New York's aggressiveness but the uprising is quelled as soon as New York gives them a research grant.
This week, New York goes after New Jersey. Why would New York want to attack New Jersey? There's a few reasons. First of all, they're holding our football teams hostage. Secondly, they are on the other side of the George Washington Bridge; we can't conquer the world if we have to pay a toll every time we cross the GWB.
Here's the breakdown:
New York vs. New Jersey
Population
NY: 18 million or so, accounting for losses incurred during the civil war.
NJ: 8 million
Advantage: NY
Intelligence
NY: Columbia, Cornell, Yale
NJ: Princeton and has the most engineers and scientists per square mile in the world.
Advantage: NJ
Money
NY: About $20 billion deficit
NJ: About $4 billion deficit
Advantage: NJ
Weaponry
NY: A lot of guns
NJ: Not so many guns
Advantage: NY
Miscellaneous
NY: General coolness
NJ: The Mafia, Atlantic City, natural olfactory defenses
Advantage: NJ
Prognosis
First, a Cold War begins as each state attempts to take control over the Port Authority. Rampant espionage and black ops ensue. NJ eventually wins out due to their vast experience in organized crime.
Undeterred by this setback, NY prepares a massive assault with a large continent of cops armed with shotguns, assault rifles, helicopters, etc. However, they are easily driven back by the smell of NJ's swamps.
For a moment it looks as though NY is left defenseless and all of NJ's gangsters threaten to march down the GWB and attack NY directly. In a last-ditch effort, however, NY floods the GWB with cabs, stopping the NJ counterattack in its tracks.
This move buys little time as the gangsters begin to buy off the cabbies one by one, but NY finds the best plan. NY gathers up all of its helicopters and airplanes and airdrops tons of sludge onto NJ. The combination of NJ smell and NY smells is too much and everyone in NJ is knocked unconscious. NY's soldiers recover, march across the GWB, and claim NJ as NY's property. As a result of the massive sludge drop, nobody can live in NJ for the next 50 years, but NY wins this round nonetheless.
Next week
While New York has been locked in a struggle against New Jersey for control of the Mid-Atlantic, a dark force is rising to the northeast...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
Foolish Phrases V
"You gotta do what you gotta do..."
As far as I can tell, this foolish phrase means something along the lines of "Even though you don't like it, you still have to fulfill your responsibility." Alternatively, it could mean, "I know I'm being a selfish jerk, but I'm going to do what's best for me."
As you can see, this is a double euphemism; not only does it conceal socially deficient intentions by attaching a tone of obligation but it also conceals any meaning at all by actually having no meaning in itself. It's like putting a clown in a clown suit. Please, everyone, don't use this phrase.
Alternatives:
see above
"You gotta do what you gotta do..."
As far as I can tell, this foolish phrase means something along the lines of "Even though you don't like it, you still have to fulfill your responsibility." Alternatively, it could mean, "I know I'm being a selfish jerk, but I'm going to do what's best for me."
As you can see, this is a double euphemism; not only does it conceal socially deficient intentions by attaching a tone of obligation but it also conceals any meaning at all by actually having no meaning in itself. It's like putting a clown in a clown suit. Please, everyone, don't use this phrase.
Alternatives:
see above
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
Elegy for Summer
June was great,
If a little late;
For I wanted summer to come so quick,
Faster, I wanted time to tick.
July was awesome;
Heat and fun were in blossom.
But where are those days now?
They are nowhere to be found.
Now August dies;
Here it rests, here it lies.
And like a fool
I go back to school.
June was great,
If a little late;
For I wanted summer to come so quick,
Faster, I wanted time to tick.
July was awesome;
Heat and fun were in blossom.
But where are those days now?
They are nowhere to be found.
Now August dies;
Here it rests, here it lies.
And like a fool
I go back to school.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday Monologue
Bothersome New Yorkers (Part II)
Today I would like to lodge a formal complaint against people who are constantly angry.
I understand that anger is not a problem peculiar to New York. However, anger seemed to have reached epidemic status within the confines of the greatest city in the world. It seems as though there is a healthy, or rather, unhealthy number of people who are quick to become angry for a variety of reasons.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they feel that they aren't receiving the respect they deserve.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they think that somebody looked at them the wrong way.
Some New Yorkers get angry because of something that happened ten years ago.
Some New Yorkers get angry for no reason at all.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they think it's cool to be angry. They wear their anger on their sleeves like a badge of honor. And in this game of anger, he who is angriest is coolest. This is the one that I understand the least.
Of course, everybody gets angry once in a while. But if I may offer a piece of advice, it is this:
Take a chill pill.
Today I would like to lodge a formal complaint against people who are constantly angry.
I understand that anger is not a problem peculiar to New York. However, anger seemed to have reached epidemic status within the confines of the greatest city in the world. It seems as though there is a healthy, or rather, unhealthy number of people who are quick to become angry for a variety of reasons.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they feel that they aren't receiving the respect they deserve.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they think that somebody looked at them the wrong way.
Some New Yorkers get angry because of something that happened ten years ago.
Some New Yorkers get angry for no reason at all.
Some New Yorkers get angry because they think it's cool to be angry. They wear their anger on their sleeves like a badge of honor. And in this game of anger, he who is angriest is coolest. This is the one that I understand the least.
Of course, everybody gets angry once in a while. But if I may offer a piece of advice, it is this:
Take a chill pill.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Funny Friday
Shaquille O’Neal has a new reality show. It’s called Shaq Vs. Here’s how it works: Shaq goes around challenging top professional athletes at their own sport. Everything is forced to be dramatic by the use of awkward trash talk and pop music.
Having watched one entire episode, I think the whole thing is rather frivolous. Let’s rearrange this concept and apply it to something more serious and meaningful.
Let’s do...
New York Vs.
The rules are simple. New York faces off against all challengers in a no-holds barred competition ending in conquest, death, or both.
First, we have to pit New York City against Upstate New York to determine who has supremacy over New York State. This step is crucial because whoever wins this battle will set the tone for the rest of New York’s domination.
We’ll assume that New York City is made up of the five boroughs. Sorry, Brooklyn, but we’re not letting you become independent.
Long Island doesn’t count in this discussion because everybody knows that Long Island is full of nothing but rich people who get drunk all day. They couldn’t be bothered for this struggle and so will remain neutral and apathetic until New York State is unified. I know this because I went to school in Westchester and read The Great Gatsby.
NYC vs. Upstate
Here’s the breakdown:
Population
NYC: 8.3 million
Upstate: 8.4 million (Total population of NYS minus NYC and Long Island)
Advantage: PUSH
Armed Forces
NYC: 37,838 cops.
Upstate: The military academy at West Point.
Advantage: NYC
Money
NYC: Wall Street.
Upstate: Everybody who works at Wall Street lives in Westchester.
Advantage: UPSTATE
Intelligence
NYC: Columbia University.
Upstate: Cornell University.
Advantage: NYC
Diplomacy
NYC: The United Nations headquarters.
Upstate: Cocktails? Golf?
Advantage: NYC
Prognosis
First, while Upstate is busy arguing amongst themselves over which country club to hold their strategic meeting at, NYC sends a sizable force of cops to take control of the Metro-North. This is a masterstroke by NYC because all the teenagers in Upstate begin annoying their parents to death (literally) because they can’t go to the City to waste their parents’ money. While domestic disputes rage all over Upstate, Mount Vernon betrays Upstate and forms an alliance with NYC in exchange for NYC’s promise of support in Mount Vernon’s feud against New Rochelle. Just as Upstate begins to recover from these developments, taxis flood the roads of Upstate, causing massive traffic and paralyzing all transportation. Those still alive in Upstate can only respond by going inside to watch television. But NYC delivers checkmate by taking control of cable programming and showing nothing but reruns of The Real World. Half of the remaining Upstaters sit on their couches until their brains turn to mush and the other half die of some combination of alcohol poisoning, STDs, and infections resulting from piercings and tattoos.
Having demonstrated their dominance over all of New York, Bloomberg unites the state under an iron fist and sets his sights on his next target: New Jersey.
Having watched one entire episode, I think the whole thing is rather frivolous. Let’s rearrange this concept and apply it to something more serious and meaningful.
Let’s do...
New York Vs.
The rules are simple. New York faces off against all challengers in a no-holds barred competition ending in conquest, death, or both.
First, we have to pit New York City against Upstate New York to determine who has supremacy over New York State. This step is crucial because whoever wins this battle will set the tone for the rest of New York’s domination.
We’ll assume that New York City is made up of the five boroughs. Sorry, Brooklyn, but we’re not letting you become independent.
Long Island doesn’t count in this discussion because everybody knows that Long Island is full of nothing but rich people who get drunk all day. They couldn’t be bothered for this struggle and so will remain neutral and apathetic until New York State is unified. I know this because I went to school in Westchester and read The Great Gatsby.
NYC vs. Upstate
Here’s the breakdown:
Population
NYC: 8.3 million
Upstate: 8.4 million (Total population of NYS minus NYC and Long Island)
Advantage: PUSH
Armed Forces
NYC: 37,838 cops.
Upstate: The military academy at West Point.
Advantage: NYC
Money
NYC: Wall Street.
Upstate: Everybody who works at Wall Street lives in Westchester.
Advantage: UPSTATE
Intelligence
NYC: Columbia University.
Upstate: Cornell University.
Advantage: NYC
Diplomacy
NYC: The United Nations headquarters.
Upstate: Cocktails? Golf?
Advantage: NYC
Prognosis
First, while Upstate is busy arguing amongst themselves over which country club to hold their strategic meeting at, NYC sends a sizable force of cops to take control of the Metro-North. This is a masterstroke by NYC because all the teenagers in Upstate begin annoying their parents to death (literally) because they can’t go to the City to waste their parents’ money. While domestic disputes rage all over Upstate, Mount Vernon betrays Upstate and forms an alliance with NYC in exchange for NYC’s promise of support in Mount Vernon’s feud against New Rochelle. Just as Upstate begins to recover from these developments, taxis flood the roads of Upstate, causing massive traffic and paralyzing all transportation. Those still alive in Upstate can only respond by going inside to watch television. But NYC delivers checkmate by taking control of cable programming and showing nothing but reruns of The Real World. Half of the remaining Upstaters sit on their couches until their brains turn to mush and the other half die of some combination of alcohol poisoning, STDs, and infections resulting from piercings and tattoos.
Having demonstrated their dominance over all of New York, Bloomberg unites the state under an iron fist and sets his sights on his next target: New Jersey.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
This is Steve Nash.Steve Nash is a two-time NBA MVP. Steve Nash has made six All-Star teams. Steve Nash is one of the greatest point guards of all time.
What I'm trying to say is this: Steve Nash is really good at basketball.
Now, Steve Nash has some other skills that you may not know about. For example, he loves to play soccer and is he is a budding filmmaker.
But let's pretend you are placed in charge of three teams. One team has to win a basketball game, one team has to win a soccer game, and one team has to produce a great movie. Nobody can be on more than one team. Your life depends on these three teams accomplishing their goals.
Next, you are given one Steve Nash; he will do whatever you ask to the best of his ability. The question of the day is this: which team would you put him on?
Would you want Steve Nash to be the point guard of the your basketball team? The playmaker of your soccer team? Or the producer of your film?
I hope the answer is obvious. I'm using this situation to illustrate an important point.
Put your resources where they can make the biggest difference.
Could Steve Nash step into a soccer team and play well? I'm sure he could, but why would you want to make an NBA MVP play soccer? Let the basketball player play basketball.
If you didn't have a basketball team to worry about, then by all means, pencil in Steve Nash into the soccer lineup. But you do have a basketball team to worry about. And your life is depending on this, remember?
In a more abstract sense, an important factor in finding success is making sure that every resource is being used in a way that will yield the most results. One pitfall to avoid is assigning things to certain areas that could perform better in another position. On the other hand, you've also got to make sure not to put things in a position where they won't perform well at all.
Obviously, in the real world there is never a perfect way to allocate all of our resources. Trade-offs and sacrifices will have to be made. But if you find that you are not getting your expected results, ask yourself if there is a better way to apply what you have to the problem at hand.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Q + A Wednesday
TheMissingLink asks,
In my opinion, which you should not take seriously, buying is better than leasing. Here's why: suppose you have a lease on something. Imagine that you follow through with all the payments until the end of the contract. At the end of the lease, guess what you're left with? At best, an option to renew the lease; at worst, nothing.
On the other hand, when you buy something, it's yours. You can do whatever you want with it. You can sell it, trash it, redecorate it, whatever you want. It's yours as long as you want it to be yours, and you will usually have a chance to recoup whatever you paid for it if you decide that you don't want it anymore.
Here's the best part; ownership is forever. As long as it you take care of them, the things you own can be held on to as long as you live. Heck, you even get to decide what happens to the things you own when you die. If you'd like to spoil your children, buy lots of stuff and give it to them when you die.
I am choosing, of course, to not mention some other troubles of leasing, such as evil people who don't honor the contract, lack of security, etc. And from what I understand, leasing is cheaper over a short period of time. But that's enough financial gobbledygook.
Final Verdict: BUY
My question was...What's better...Buying or Leasing?I am probably the last person you should ask about the differences between buying and leasing. However, I must fulfill my duty by answering the question.
In my opinion, which you should not take seriously, buying is better than leasing. Here's why: suppose you have a lease on something. Imagine that you follow through with all the payments until the end of the contract. At the end of the lease, guess what you're left with? At best, an option to renew the lease; at worst, nothing.
On the other hand, when you buy something, it's yours. You can do whatever you want with it. You can sell it, trash it, redecorate it, whatever you want. It's yours as long as you want it to be yours, and you will usually have a chance to recoup whatever you paid for it if you decide that you don't want it anymore.
Here's the best part; ownership is forever. As long as it you take care of them, the things you own can be held on to as long as you live. Heck, you even get to decide what happens to the things you own when you die. If you'd like to spoil your children, buy lots of stuff and give it to them when you die.
I am choosing, of course, to not mention some other troubles of leasing, such as evil people who don't honor the contract, lack of security, etc. And from what I understand, leasing is cheaper over a short period of time. But that's enough financial gobbledygook.
Final Verdict: BUY
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
The War of the Kitchen
I went to the kitchen on a dark night;
Little did I know that I was in for a fight.
It was only a sandwich that I sought,
But a great battle I fought
Against a roach, scavenger of the earth,
Of whom there will never be a dearth.
I was hungry, looking for food,
And instead I engaged in a great feud.
I flipped on the light
And saw the bug flee in fright.
Little did he know, poor fellow,
That he would soon be turned to jello.
He escaped me at first,
Evading the best of my blows (and the worst)
But finally he made his fatal mistake;
He crawled on the stove, hiding like a snake.
My weapon of choice could not reach
Into that small breach,
But unfortunately for that roach, alas,
I turned on the gas.
Blue flames leapt up
And the heat would not let up
He took the heat as long as he could
But finally the temperature could no longer be withstood
One step, two steps, three
And I cut short his attempt to flee
Down came the hammer
Without any romance or glamour
His innards went splat!
And that was that
Still my work was not finished
Until I cleaned up and finally my hunger was diminished.
I went to the kitchen on a dark night;
Little did I know that I was in for a fight.
It was only a sandwich that I sought,
But a great battle I fought
Against a roach, scavenger of the earth,
Of whom there will never be a dearth.
I was hungry, looking for food,
And instead I engaged in a great feud.
I flipped on the light
And saw the bug flee in fright.
Little did he know, poor fellow,
That he would soon be turned to jello.
He escaped me at first,
Evading the best of my blows (and the worst)
But finally he made his fatal mistake;
He crawled on the stove, hiding like a snake.
My weapon of choice could not reach
Into that small breach,
But unfortunately for that roach, alas,
I turned on the gas.
Blue flames leapt up
And the heat would not let up
He took the heat as long as he could
But finally the temperature could no longer be withstood
One step, two steps, three
And I cut short his attempt to flee
Down came the hammer
Without any romance or glamour
His innards went splat!
And that was that
Still my work was not finished
Until I cleaned up and finally my hunger was diminished.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday Monologue
Bothersome New Yorkers (Part I)
Today I would like to lodge a formal complaint against people who walk in the middle of the sidewalk.
Now, as I walk through the concrete canyons of Manhattan, I understand that I might be rubbing shoulders with someone who is rich enough to own their own street. However, most people do not own streets; most streets are public property. That means everybody has a fair chance to use the sidewalk.
Pray tell, then, good pedestrian, why do you walk in the middle of the sidewalk so that none may pass?
I understand that it may be difficult for you to empathize with my plot. Perhaps you have never been in a hurry in your life. If that were the case, then you would simply not be able to understand my desire to move beyond your slow gait. However, please try to understand. I do not wish to spend my entire day walking behind you, particularly when your top speed is a block an hour.
I really don’t want to walk right through you. I would like to walk… around you. But here is the problem. I cannot walk around you if doing so would lead me to walk into oncoming pedestrians, oncoming automobiles, or a wall. I simply wouldn’t do that.
So as you traverse the great city of New York, please have an ounce of spatial awareness. If you’re not going to be walking at a brisk pace, pick a side of the sidewalk and stick to it. Is that too much to ask?
Today I would like to lodge a formal complaint against people who walk in the middle of the sidewalk.
Now, as I walk through the concrete canyons of Manhattan, I understand that I might be rubbing shoulders with someone who is rich enough to own their own street. However, most people do not own streets; most streets are public property. That means everybody has a fair chance to use the sidewalk.
Pray tell, then, good pedestrian, why do you walk in the middle of the sidewalk so that none may pass?
I understand that it may be difficult for you to empathize with my plot. Perhaps you have never been in a hurry in your life. If that were the case, then you would simply not be able to understand my desire to move beyond your slow gait. However, please try to understand. I do not wish to spend my entire day walking behind you, particularly when your top speed is a block an hour.
I really don’t want to walk right through you. I would like to walk… around you. But here is the problem. I cannot walk around you if doing so would lead me to walk into oncoming pedestrians, oncoming automobiles, or a wall. I simply wouldn’t do that.
So as you traverse the great city of New York, please have an ounce of spatial awareness. If you’re not going to be walking at a brisk pace, pick a side of the sidewalk and stick to it. Is that too much to ask?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Funny Friday
Comedy Night in Heaven, part I
There was once a famous comedian who was the declared to be "The Funniest Man Alive". This comedian had traveled the entire world with an act that left audiences rolling in the aisles. Magazine articles were written about him, websites were devoted to his funniness, and he even had his own sitcom.
But one day this comedian died and went to heaven.
Naturally, the first thing that God wanted to do was have another Comedy Night at the Pearly Gate Club. So the angels went to work, setting up the auditorium for all the festivities. Before you could say YHWH, the comedian found himself onstage before an audience of angels, dead people, and God Himself.
"Oh boy," said Jesus as the Trinity sat down in their seats of honor. "I've only heard great things about this guy, I bet he's gonna do great."
"I wouldn't be too sure," said the Holy Spirit wisely. "Being funny in Heaven is a lot different than being funny on Earth."
"At least we know one thing," said the Father. "He won't kill tonight." Jesus breathed a sigh of relief.
The comedian walked on stage and truth be told, he was a wee bit nervous. Things were different up here. To start with, instead of his normal deafeningly loud entrance music (usually death metal), everyone got up and sang a hymn as the comedian made his entrance. Plus, instead of spotlights pointed at the stage while the audience sat in the dark, there was light everywhere! Not a shadow to be found.
Perhaps the biggest change was that the comedian was completely sober. He had asked around, but apparently his resurrected body just couldn't handle alcohol like his old one did. He was worried that it might affect his performance.
In any case, the comedian looked around, smiled, and started in on his routine.
"So a priest, a rabbi, and a gay stripper walk into a bar..."
Jesus frowned.
Hm, the comedian thought. I might want to save that joke for another occasion.
"Ah, you know what, forget about that one. Hey, does anybody know why women are named after hurricanes?"
The Holy Spirit frowned.
"Err... I'll let you think about that for a second. In the meantime, who wants to hear a dead baby joke?"
The Father frowned.
Things were not going well.
"Hey, is it hot in here or what?" The comedian had to loosen his collar and looked for an opening. "At least it's cooler than down there, though, if you know what I mean, right?"
A small chuckle floated around the room.
"Hey, you know, if there's so many clouds around here, I mean, just look around! The clouds have clouds. I say, since it can get so cloudy around here that you can barely see (kinda like L.A.), why not just send a few clouds to Hades? Give 'em a break, I say. I mean, they call it a lake of fire, right? Why not make it into a lake of WATER for once."
Giggles were running through the audience as the comedian pressed on.
"Look, all I'm sayin' is that eternity is a long time to be burning up like that. It's bad enough that they have Satan as their neighbor. I've heard that guy has absolutely no personal hygiene. And it's not hard to believe. I mean, we're talking about the guy who considered transforming himself into a serpent to be an upgrade."
The laughs were coming loud and steady now.
"Hey, is Eve here tonight?" Eve raised her hand slowly and gave a sheepish smile. "Hey, let's all give our great-great-great... whatever-grandmother a round of applause! Now, look, Eve, I'm a big fan of yours, what with giving birth to all those children and everything. You talk about not having an instruction manual for being a parent, now here's someone who had it tough. I mean, you think your children are bad? This woman's children MURDERED each other!"
Even Abel had to laugh at that.
"Anyways, Eve, I just got here, so you can imagine I've got a lot of questions for everybody. But there's just one question I've got to ask you. Matter of fact, forget the question, I'm just gonna tell you. That fruit better have been the juiciest, tastiest, most scrumptious..."
The rest was drowned out in a roar of laughter and applause.
"Thank you everybody! I'll be here for all eternity!"
There was once a famous comedian who was the declared to be "The Funniest Man Alive". This comedian had traveled the entire world with an act that left audiences rolling in the aisles. Magazine articles were written about him, websites were devoted to his funniness, and he even had his own sitcom.
But one day this comedian died and went to heaven.
Naturally, the first thing that God wanted to do was have another Comedy Night at the Pearly Gate Club. So the angels went to work, setting up the auditorium for all the festivities. Before you could say YHWH, the comedian found himself onstage before an audience of angels, dead people, and God Himself.
"Oh boy," said Jesus as the Trinity sat down in their seats of honor. "I've only heard great things about this guy, I bet he's gonna do great."
"I wouldn't be too sure," said the Holy Spirit wisely. "Being funny in Heaven is a lot different than being funny on Earth."
"At least we know one thing," said the Father. "He won't kill tonight." Jesus breathed a sigh of relief.
The comedian walked on stage and truth be told, he was a wee bit nervous. Things were different up here. To start with, instead of his normal deafeningly loud entrance music (usually death metal), everyone got up and sang a hymn as the comedian made his entrance. Plus, instead of spotlights pointed at the stage while the audience sat in the dark, there was light everywhere! Not a shadow to be found.
Perhaps the biggest change was that the comedian was completely sober. He had asked around, but apparently his resurrected body just couldn't handle alcohol like his old one did. He was worried that it might affect his performance.
In any case, the comedian looked around, smiled, and started in on his routine.
"So a priest, a rabbi, and a gay stripper walk into a bar..."
Jesus frowned.
Hm, the comedian thought. I might want to save that joke for another occasion.
"Ah, you know what, forget about that one. Hey, does anybody know why women are named after hurricanes?"
The Holy Spirit frowned.
"Err... I'll let you think about that for a second. In the meantime, who wants to hear a dead baby joke?"
The Father frowned.
Things were not going well.
"Hey, is it hot in here or what?" The comedian had to loosen his collar and looked for an opening. "At least it's cooler than down there, though, if you know what I mean, right?"
A small chuckle floated around the room.
"Hey, you know, if there's so many clouds around here, I mean, just look around! The clouds have clouds. I say, since it can get so cloudy around here that you can barely see (kinda like L.A.), why not just send a few clouds to Hades? Give 'em a break, I say. I mean, they call it a lake of fire, right? Why not make it into a lake of WATER for once."
Giggles were running through the audience as the comedian pressed on.
"Look, all I'm sayin' is that eternity is a long time to be burning up like that. It's bad enough that they have Satan as their neighbor. I've heard that guy has absolutely no personal hygiene. And it's not hard to believe. I mean, we're talking about the guy who considered transforming himself into a serpent to be an upgrade."
The laughs were coming loud and steady now.
"Hey, is Eve here tonight?" Eve raised her hand slowly and gave a sheepish smile. "Hey, let's all give our great-great-great... whatever-grandmother a round of applause! Now, look, Eve, I'm a big fan of yours, what with giving birth to all those children and everything. You talk about not having an instruction manual for being a parent, now here's someone who had it tough. I mean, you think your children are bad? This woman's children MURDERED each other!"
Even Abel had to laugh at that.
"Anyways, Eve, I just got here, so you can imagine I've got a lot of questions for everybody. But there's just one question I've got to ask you. Matter of fact, forget the question, I'm just gonna tell you. That fruit better have been the juiciest, tastiest, most scrumptious..."
The rest was drowned out in a roar of laughter and applause.
"Thank you everybody! I'll be here for all eternity!"
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
The Urgent and The Important
When we determine our priorities, it is important to keep in mind the difference between two kinds of tasks. Some tasks are urgent and some are important.
The urgent task needs to be completed soon. Anything with a deadline eventually becomes an urgent task.
The important task is the one that really matters. Completing an important task is something that you can be proud of. Fulfilling important tasks can also lead to other important tasks.
In most cases there is no clear distinction between the two. In fact, what procrastination does is make a task both important and urgent. And some things are neither urgent nor important; these tasks are wastes of time.
Urgent tasks can exert a negative influence over your schedule if you allow them to take over. When your schedule becomes filled with nothing but urgent tasks, you lose freedom to choose what action you are going to take. In many cases, this leads to important tasks being put off until never.
The solution is to take care of trivial things before they become urgent. When this is done, the important things can be given their proper attention before they too become urgent.
Consider the task of writing a book. Depending on your values, this might certainly be an important task. Unfortunately, writing a book is not something that most people can do in a few hours, days, or even weeks. So, in order to achieve the important goal of writing a book, time and effort must be allotted to that task while taking care of the urgent goals that come up. The important goal cannot be achieved without handling the urgent first.
But, the urgent goals must not overwhelm the entire space of the day so that the book never gets written. If the urgent goals do overwhelm the important, eventually the completion of the book will become urgent as the publisher comes knocking on your door. Obviously, the quality of the book will suffer as the task becomes urgent.
The key is to find the balance. Since everyone's priorities are different, this balance will be different for everyone.
The key points are:
- Take care of the important before it becomes the urgent
- If you're sacrificing the important for the sake of completing the urgent, refocus your priorities
- If you are having trouble completing everything on your schedule, find and remove the tasks that are neither important nor urgent
When we determine our priorities, it is important to keep in mind the difference between two kinds of tasks. Some tasks are urgent and some are important.
The urgent task needs to be completed soon. Anything with a deadline eventually becomes an urgent task.
The important task is the one that really matters. Completing an important task is something that you can be proud of. Fulfilling important tasks can also lead to other important tasks.
In most cases there is no clear distinction between the two. In fact, what procrastination does is make a task both important and urgent. And some things are neither urgent nor important; these tasks are wastes of time.
Urgent tasks can exert a negative influence over your schedule if you allow them to take over. When your schedule becomes filled with nothing but urgent tasks, you lose freedom to choose what action you are going to take. In many cases, this leads to important tasks being put off until never.
The solution is to take care of trivial things before they become urgent. When this is done, the important things can be given their proper attention before they too become urgent.
Consider the task of writing a book. Depending on your values, this might certainly be an important task. Unfortunately, writing a book is not something that most people can do in a few hours, days, or even weeks. So, in order to achieve the important goal of writing a book, time and effort must be allotted to that task while taking care of the urgent goals that come up. The important goal cannot be achieved without handling the urgent first.
But, the urgent goals must not overwhelm the entire space of the day so that the book never gets written. If the urgent goals do overwhelm the important, eventually the completion of the book will become urgent as the publisher comes knocking on your door. Obviously, the quality of the book will suffer as the task becomes urgent.
The key is to find the balance. Since everyone's priorities are different, this balance will be different for everyone.
The key points are:
- Take care of the important before it becomes the urgent
- If you're sacrificing the important for the sake of completing the urgent, refocus your priorities
- If you are having trouble completing everything on your schedule, find and remove the tasks that are neither important nor urgent
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Monday Monologue
This past Tuesday I had the chance to go to a Yankees game for the first time this year. This was my first trip to...
The New Stadium
It's great. It's nice, shiny, and it smells like beer. Why does everyone feel the need to drink multiple cups of beer during a baseball game? In any case, the new stadium is right by the train, which is all I really ask for from my sports teams. Yeah, I'm looking at you, New York Red Bulls. Yet somehow, at the game all I saw were...
Yankee Fans Who Are Not From The Bronx
If you are a Yankee fan and you don't live in the Bronx, good for you. You're a fan of the best team in baseball. However, there's gotta be more fans from the Bronx to cheer for the Bronx Bombers. Sadly, the ride on the 4 train home was not filled to capacity. I suspect that more people come from downtown to 161st street than from the Bronx, not to mention the crowds that drive (polluters!) or take the Metro North. There's gotta be some way for the Yankees to belong to the fans of the Bronx. On a more positive note...
Yankees Fans Rock
I've read and heard that the new stadium is much quieter and produces a much more drab atmosphere. I'm not sure where that criticism came from, because Tuesday night the house was rockin'. I suspect that this sort of thing was being said of games in April and May. The reality is that Yankee fans are smart. They're not going to get too excited about a game in May one way or the other. Fast forward to the middle of August and the Yankee fans will show up with energy because the season is coming to an end. We're in first place, our pitching is coming together and we've had quite a few come from behind victories; now is the time to get excited.
Let's Go Yankees!
The New Stadium
It's great. It's nice, shiny, and it smells like beer. Why does everyone feel the need to drink multiple cups of beer during a baseball game? In any case, the new stadium is right by the train, which is all I really ask for from my sports teams. Yeah, I'm looking at you, New York Red Bulls. Yet somehow, at the game all I saw were...
Yankee Fans Who Are Not From The Bronx
If you are a Yankee fan and you don't live in the Bronx, good for you. You're a fan of the best team in baseball. However, there's gotta be more fans from the Bronx to cheer for the Bronx Bombers. Sadly, the ride on the 4 train home was not filled to capacity. I suspect that more people come from downtown to 161st street than from the Bronx, not to mention the crowds that drive (polluters!) or take the Metro North. There's gotta be some way for the Yankees to belong to the fans of the Bronx. On a more positive note...
Yankees Fans Rock
I've read and heard that the new stadium is much quieter and produces a much more drab atmosphere. I'm not sure where that criticism came from, because Tuesday night the house was rockin'. I suspect that this sort of thing was being said of games in April and May. The reality is that Yankee fans are smart. They're not going to get too excited about a game in May one way or the other. Fast forward to the middle of August and the Yankee fans will show up with energy because the season is coming to an end. We're in first place, our pitching is coming together and we've had quite a few come from behind victories; now is the time to get excited.
Let's Go Yankees!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Funny Friday
The Tale of Griselda (slightly different)
Once there was a good young man who ruled over the peaceful land of Testang. All the people of Testang respected the rule of this man, who was named Walker. However, Walker was unmarried and had no heirs.
Worried, the people of Testang came to Walker, pleading, "Oh, kind master! Although your leadership is beneficient and kind, we have one request of you; please, oh lord, take for yourself a wife so that you will not die without an heir. For if you do so, some strange person may come to rule over us!"
Walker deliberated. "Very well," he replied. "I will take a wife, but on one condition: that I may choose any woman I desire, and none of you will grumble or complain about my choice."
So all the wedding preparations were made. No expense was spared, and the parson stood ready with all the people of Testang on the preordained day.
Then Walker arrived with his bride-to-be. An inaudible wave of shock ran through the crowd as they saw that Walker's choice was not a beautiful princess, not even a fair maiden, but Griselda.
Griselda? they wondered. Griselda, the poorest young lady in the land? Griselda, who barely manages to survive with her poor father?
And indeed, it was Griselda, dazed and confused. Walker had shown up at her door and proposed, and she hadn't quite known what to do. She looked around the hut she shared with her father and said, "Sure. Why not?"
While her mouth said yes, the rest of her didn't quite believe what was happening. But all of a sudden she was standing with Walker before the parson, and mumbling affirmation to some marriage vows.
It all happened so fast, but before she knew it, Griselda ended up with wonderful clothes, a clean room, and a beautiful two year old daughter.
Then, one day, Bernie came to Griselda while she was with her daughter. Bernie, with a mournful yet stern face, told Griselda, "Ma'am, I have to take Mishy now."
"Where are you taking her?" Griselda asked.
"Away."
"Where is away?"
"Not here."
"Who told you to do this? Was it Walker?"
"Yes."
"Go get him and bring him here. Now!"
And Bernie scampered away as fast as he could.
Soon, Walker came. "Where are you taking my daughter?" Griselda demanded.
Even for a man like Walker, the tone in her voice gave him pause. "Well, that's not for you to know. Come along now, Mishy..."
"Like hell it is!" roared Griselda. Then she pulled out her shotgun and disposed of Walker.
The people gladly accepted Griselda as their ruler. They felt confident that she would never play any mean tricks upon them.
Once there was a good young man who ruled over the peaceful land of Testang. All the people of Testang respected the rule of this man, who was named Walker. However, Walker was unmarried and had no heirs.
Worried, the people of Testang came to Walker, pleading, "Oh, kind master! Although your leadership is beneficient and kind, we have one request of you; please, oh lord, take for yourself a wife so that you will not die without an heir. For if you do so, some strange person may come to rule over us!"
Walker deliberated. "Very well," he replied. "I will take a wife, but on one condition: that I may choose any woman I desire, and none of you will grumble or complain about my choice."
So all the wedding preparations were made. No expense was spared, and the parson stood ready with all the people of Testang on the preordained day.
Then Walker arrived with his bride-to-be. An inaudible wave of shock ran through the crowd as they saw that Walker's choice was not a beautiful princess, not even a fair maiden, but Griselda.
Griselda? they wondered. Griselda, the poorest young lady in the land? Griselda, who barely manages to survive with her poor father?
And indeed, it was Griselda, dazed and confused. Walker had shown up at her door and proposed, and she hadn't quite known what to do. She looked around the hut she shared with her father and said, "Sure. Why not?"
While her mouth said yes, the rest of her didn't quite believe what was happening. But all of a sudden she was standing with Walker before the parson, and mumbling affirmation to some marriage vows.
It all happened so fast, but before she knew it, Griselda ended up with wonderful clothes, a clean room, and a beautiful two year old daughter.
Then, one day, Bernie came to Griselda while she was with her daughter. Bernie, with a mournful yet stern face, told Griselda, "Ma'am, I have to take Mishy now."
"Where are you taking her?" Griselda asked.
"Away."
"Where is away?"
"Not here."
"Who told you to do this? Was it Walker?"
"Yes."
"Go get him and bring him here. Now!"
And Bernie scampered away as fast as he could.
Soon, Walker came. "Where are you taking my daughter?" Griselda demanded.
Even for a man like Walker, the tone in her voice gave him pause. "Well, that's not for you to know. Come along now, Mishy..."
"Like hell it is!" roared Griselda. Then she pulled out her shotgun and disposed of Walker.
The people gladly accepted Griselda as their ruler. They felt confident that she would never play any mean tricks upon them.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
My apologies... Thoughtful Thursday will be posted later today. This was finals week; I decided that completing my final project was more important than blogging. But there will definitely be a real post today. So think about that while you wait.
Again, I apologize to all my faithful readers.
Again, I apologize to all my faithful readers.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
"Flickering"
I'm staring at the flickering light...
It's late; too late.
I need to sleep and say
Goodbye to the night.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
They need to change the bulb.
Why is it on during the day?
Open the windows; the sun will give us sight.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
My eyes are burning
But I need to get this done
Why do they make the computer screens so bright?
I'm staring at the flickering light...
Channel by channel;
Program by program;
I can't get up, try as I might.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
I'm staring at the flickering light...
It's late; too late.
I need to sleep and say
Goodbye to the night.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
They need to change the bulb.
Why is it on during the day?
Open the windows; the sun will give us sight.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
My eyes are burning
But I need to get this done
Why do they make the computer screens so bright?
I'm staring at the flickering light...
Channel by channel;
Program by program;
I can't get up, try as I might.
I'm staring at the flickering light...
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday Monologue
Movie Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Yesterday I went to see G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Being that I am of a younger generation who thinks that G.I. Joe is just a more expensive brand of green army men, I watched this film without any real knowledge of the G.I. Joe universe. Unfortunately, this meant that I couldn't judge any depictions of characters, gadgets, or vehicles against how they appeared in the toys, cartoons, or comics.
So, in order from coolest to least cool, here's what I thought about the movie (spoiler-free!):
Snake Eyes
Simply put, Snake Eyes is the coolest character since Iceman. Played by Ray Park, the man behind Darth Maul of Star Wars: Episode I and Toad of the 2000 X-Men film, I felt like I was in good hands with Snake. The best thing about a character who doesn't speak is that he can't have any cheesy lines to ruin a good scene. His feud with Storm Shadow felt genuine and somehow I felt some real emotion coming off of Snake Eyes even though his face is pretty darn inscrutable and, of course, he doesn't speak. Moreover, he's the only Joe smart enough not to get arrested by the French police. I'm not sure if that's more of a positive for Snake Eyes or a negative for the other Joes.
In any case, a samurai sword plus a handgun with matte black armor and a cool visor thrown in is a formula for success. Plus, it's a great way to pick up chicks. Trust me.
Storm Shadow
In case you can't tell, I'm a sucker for ninjas. Two ninjas who have a decades-old conflict revolving around a slain master? Great stuff. Possibly the best line of the movie belongs to Storm Shadow: "He [Snake Eyes] never gives up."
Heavy Duty
Big black guy with a British accent and really big guns (pun intended)? Cool stuff. Wish he would've gotten some more action (pun unintended).
Rex
There's a twist to the evil doctor behind the madness that I won't give away if you're not familiar with G.I. Joe, but let's just say I liked the look of his character while he's just the evil doctor. A Vaderesque breathing mask plus a scientific monocle? Cool, I say.
Sienna Miller
I'm sure that Sienna Miller's character had a name, but I never did catch it. In any case, she made for a really cool bad chick. Until the end of the movie. There was also some very strange tension between her and Storm Shadow that was left unresolved... perhaps for the best. Gets some more cool points for her cool shades.
Marlon Wayans
As you can tell, things are starting to go a bit downhill. Marlon Wayans plays himself and his performance was somewhat less than convincing. What? He didn't play himself? I couldn't tell.
Channing Tatum
I'd like to thank my unconscious for steering me away from the knowledge of Channing Tatum's existence for as long as it has. I'd also like to apologize to my soul for having to sit through a movie where Channing Tatum is the lead character. I'm not sure if Channing Tatum is a hick from the boondocks but it sure seemed that way. Is there any way that I can convince myself that Channing Tatum doesn't exist? In any case, Duke's name sounds a lot like Duke Hazard, which I think is kind of funny. However, this in no way makes up for the atrocious performance by Channing Tatum.
So?
On the other hand, nobody should go to a G.I. Joe movie to experience great acting or an intricate plot. Movies like this are good for two things: watching stuff blow up and having a few laughs. This movie excels at both things. Was it particular innovative for its genre? Not really, but then again, it also had to pay homage to the previous work done in the G.I. Joe universe. It's worth mentioning that the car chase scene was very well done.
In short, you should go watch this movie if you like watching people shoot each other in style.
Yesterday I went to see G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Being that I am of a younger generation who thinks that G.I. Joe is just a more expensive brand of green army men, I watched this film without any real knowledge of the G.I. Joe universe. Unfortunately, this meant that I couldn't judge any depictions of characters, gadgets, or vehicles against how they appeared in the toys, cartoons, or comics.
So, in order from coolest to least cool, here's what I thought about the movie (spoiler-free!):
Snake Eyes
Simply put, Snake Eyes is the coolest character since Iceman. Played by Ray Park, the man behind Darth Maul of Star Wars: Episode I and Toad of the 2000 X-Men film, I felt like I was in good hands with Snake. The best thing about a character who doesn't speak is that he can't have any cheesy lines to ruin a good scene. His feud with Storm Shadow felt genuine and somehow I felt some real emotion coming off of Snake Eyes even though his face is pretty darn inscrutable and, of course, he doesn't speak. Moreover, he's the only Joe smart enough not to get arrested by the French police. I'm not sure if that's more of a positive for Snake Eyes or a negative for the other Joes.
In any case, a samurai sword plus a handgun with matte black armor and a cool visor thrown in is a formula for success. Plus, it's a great way to pick up chicks. Trust me.
Storm Shadow
In case you can't tell, I'm a sucker for ninjas. Two ninjas who have a decades-old conflict revolving around a slain master? Great stuff. Possibly the best line of the movie belongs to Storm Shadow: "He [Snake Eyes] never gives up."
Heavy Duty
Big black guy with a British accent and really big guns (pun intended)? Cool stuff. Wish he would've gotten some more action (pun unintended).
Rex
There's a twist to the evil doctor behind the madness that I won't give away if you're not familiar with G.I. Joe, but let's just say I liked the look of his character while he's just the evil doctor. A Vaderesque breathing mask plus a scientific monocle? Cool, I say.
Sienna Miller
I'm sure that Sienna Miller's character had a name, but I never did catch it. In any case, she made for a really cool bad chick. Until the end of the movie. There was also some very strange tension between her and Storm Shadow that was left unresolved... perhaps for the best. Gets some more cool points for her cool shades.
Marlon Wayans
As you can tell, things are starting to go a bit downhill. Marlon Wayans plays himself and his performance was somewhat less than convincing. What? He didn't play himself? I couldn't tell.
Channing Tatum
I'd like to thank my unconscious for steering me away from the knowledge of Channing Tatum's existence for as long as it has. I'd also like to apologize to my soul for having to sit through a movie where Channing Tatum is the lead character. I'm not sure if Channing Tatum is a hick from the boondocks but it sure seemed that way. Is there any way that I can convince myself that Channing Tatum doesn't exist? In any case, Duke's name sounds a lot like Duke Hazard, which I think is kind of funny. However, this in no way makes up for the atrocious performance by Channing Tatum.
So?
On the other hand, nobody should go to a G.I. Joe movie to experience great acting or an intricate plot. Movies like this are good for two things: watching stuff blow up and having a few laughs. This movie excels at both things. Was it particular innovative for its genre? Not really, but then again, it also had to pay homage to the previous work done in the G.I. Joe universe. It's worth mentioning that the car chase scene was very well done.
In short, you should go watch this movie if you like watching people shoot each other in style.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Funny Friday
"The Joys of Incoherence"
I get really bad allergies every spring. Picture gushing rivers of snot and eyes redder than brick. That’s what you’ll see if you look at me during allergy season.
But I am not without my defenses. My favorite is called, “Stay Home and Keep Your Face Covered with a T-shirt”. However, during the days that I need to be productive and actually leave the house, I call upon my little helper: Loratadine.
Loratadine is a useful anti-histamine. I would do a full product review, but I no longer have entirely good things to say about this product.
I have been taking Loratadine regularly during the spring season for several years now. However, this year, I switched brands for the sake of saving money. Rarely has being cheap hurt me so badly and at the same time caused so much joy.
It was a Monday. I was oozing liquids from the various orifices of my head. I decided that today would be the day that I began using my new batch of drugs.
Now, the most attractive thing about Loratadine, besides the whole dealing with allergies thing, is that it does not induce drowsiness. At least it didn’t. The problem was that on that Monday, for reasons that are probably linked to my use of a different brand, this Loratadine threatened to put me to sleep right smack in broad daylight.
Now I have no problem falling asleep while the sun shines overhead. The real problem was that I had to not only give a short presentation in class, but also start and finish a 1500-word paper by midnight.
As it turned out, these things were not problems at all. You see, the myth of higher education is that everyone really understands (or cares about) what is going on in class. So when I (or anyone else) start spewing incoherent ramblings in class, well, there isn’t what you would call accountability. In fact, I realized, that was the best presentation I’ve ever given; nobody raised a single point of criticism. Of course, this was undoubtedly due to the fact that nobody understood me, but one can’t be picky about positive reception of one’s work.
As the day proceeded, I discovered something new; I was not merely incomprehensible in public, I was also incapable of being understood in private conversation! (This is only slightly different from my usual social interaction.) The best part was, everyone I spoke to held up the pretense that they understood every word that was coming out of my mouth. I’m not sure why they did this, but I soon realized my newfound freedom.
I could go anywhere and say anything. This is the joy of being incoherent.
Remember that paper? I put the most haphazard collection of letters on a page and handed it in. And guess what? I got an A.
Have you ever wanted to tell someone how you really feel about him or her? With incoherence, spew your invective! They will smile and nod.
Got a secret that you really want to keep a secret? Well, when you’re incoherent, you and your secret are absolutely safe.
Important speech to give? Just add gestures, and you’ll be a hit with the crowd!
Have to meet your significant other’s relatives for the first time? Get some incoherence and watch your worries fade away!
I could write volumes on ways to defuse awkward situations, but perhaps the best advice is also the simplest: be incoherent.
Big job interview? Be incoherent and you’re sure to get a very nice job offer.
Perhaps the best thing about being incoherent is your improved marketability as a writer. Want to know how to get rich quick? Get some incoherence and sit down and write a book. You will immediately be picked up by a major publishing house and a friendly agent who will make sure your work finds its way on to bestseller lists and Oprah’s Book Club. If you have even a bit of luck, you will be lauded by critics and become a part of the classic pantheon of incoherent authors that are read by students and pretentious people everywhere.
I get really bad allergies every spring. Picture gushing rivers of snot and eyes redder than brick. That’s what you’ll see if you look at me during allergy season.
But I am not without my defenses. My favorite is called, “Stay Home and Keep Your Face Covered with a T-shirt”. However, during the days that I need to be productive and actually leave the house, I call upon my little helper: Loratadine.
Loratadine is a useful anti-histamine. I would do a full product review, but I no longer have entirely good things to say about this product.
I have been taking Loratadine regularly during the spring season for several years now. However, this year, I switched brands for the sake of saving money. Rarely has being cheap hurt me so badly and at the same time caused so much joy.
It was a Monday. I was oozing liquids from the various orifices of my head. I decided that today would be the day that I began using my new batch of drugs.
Now, the most attractive thing about Loratadine, besides the whole dealing with allergies thing, is that it does not induce drowsiness. At least it didn’t. The problem was that on that Monday, for reasons that are probably linked to my use of a different brand, this Loratadine threatened to put me to sleep right smack in broad daylight.
Now I have no problem falling asleep while the sun shines overhead. The real problem was that I had to not only give a short presentation in class, but also start and finish a 1500-word paper by midnight.
As it turned out, these things were not problems at all. You see, the myth of higher education is that everyone really understands (or cares about) what is going on in class. So when I (or anyone else) start spewing incoherent ramblings in class, well, there isn’t what you would call accountability. In fact, I realized, that was the best presentation I’ve ever given; nobody raised a single point of criticism. Of course, this was undoubtedly due to the fact that nobody understood me, but one can’t be picky about positive reception of one’s work.
As the day proceeded, I discovered something new; I was not merely incomprehensible in public, I was also incapable of being understood in private conversation! (This is only slightly different from my usual social interaction.) The best part was, everyone I spoke to held up the pretense that they understood every word that was coming out of my mouth. I’m not sure why they did this, but I soon realized my newfound freedom.
I could go anywhere and say anything. This is the joy of being incoherent.
Remember that paper? I put the most haphazard collection of letters on a page and handed it in. And guess what? I got an A.
Have you ever wanted to tell someone how you really feel about him or her? With incoherence, spew your invective! They will smile and nod.
Got a secret that you really want to keep a secret? Well, when you’re incoherent, you and your secret are absolutely safe.
Important speech to give? Just add gestures, and you’ll be a hit with the crowd!
Have to meet your significant other’s relatives for the first time? Get some incoherence and watch your worries fade away!
I could write volumes on ways to defuse awkward situations, but perhaps the best advice is also the simplest: be incoherent.
Big job interview? Be incoherent and you’re sure to get a very nice job offer.
Perhaps the best thing about being incoherent is your improved marketability as a writer. Want to know how to get rich quick? Get some incoherence and sit down and write a book. You will immediately be picked up by a major publishing house and a friendly agent who will make sure your work finds its way on to bestseller lists and Oprah’s Book Club. If you have even a bit of luck, you will be lauded by critics and become a part of the classic pantheon of incoherent authors that are read by students and pretentious people everywhere.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
Foolish Phrases IV
"In this day and age..."
Unfortunately, I often hear this phrase followed by something along the lines of how people are so wicked and sinful today, as if at some time in the past the average person was somehow more virtuous. Have you people read your Bibles??? (triple question mark!)
Let's briefly examine the book of Genesis. Hypothetically, the earliest people should be the ones who abstain from the "wicked deeds of today". But what does Genesis say?
(Sin) - Chapter:Verse
Shame - 3:10
Blame - 3:12
Anger - 4:5
Murder - 4:8
Lies - 4:9
Sarcasm - 4:9
Incest - 5
Wickedness - 6:5
Corruption - 6:12
Drunkenness - 9:21
Peeping - 9:22
Dishonor - 9:22
War - 14:2
Adultery - 16:3
Homosexuality - 19:5
Rape - 19:5
Disregard for One's Children - 19:8
Deceit - 27:24
Betrayal - 37:18
False Testimony - 39:19
This is some of the variety of sins found in just the first book of the Bible! Check out all the rest of the debauchery throughout the Bible; and before you criticize the people of today, remember that these sins have been committed for thousands of years.
Instead, remember the words of Solomon:
"That which has been is that which will be,
And that which has been done is that which will be done.
So there is nothing new under the sun."
(Ecclesiastes 1:9)
Does this mean that we are without hope? Will things ever change? On the contrary, they certainly can, but we must stop looking underneath the sun for change and instead look to the heavens.
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."
(2 Corinthians 5:17)
(NASB)
"In this day and age..."
Unfortunately, I often hear this phrase followed by something along the lines of how people are so wicked and sinful today, as if at some time in the past the average person was somehow more virtuous. Have you people read your Bibles??? (triple question mark!)
Let's briefly examine the book of Genesis. Hypothetically, the earliest people should be the ones who abstain from the "wicked deeds of today". But what does Genesis say?
(Sin) - Chapter:Verse
Shame - 3:10
Blame - 3:12
Anger - 4:5
Murder - 4:8
Lies - 4:9
Sarcasm - 4:9
Incest - 5
Wickedness - 6:5
Corruption - 6:12
Drunkenness - 9:21
Peeping - 9:22
Dishonor - 9:22
War - 14:2
Adultery - 16:3
Homosexuality - 19:5
Rape - 19:5
Disregard for One's Children - 19:8
Deceit - 27:24
Betrayal - 37:18
False Testimony - 39:19
This is some of the variety of sins found in just the first book of the Bible! Check out all the rest of the debauchery throughout the Bible; and before you criticize the people of today, remember that these sins have been committed for thousands of years.
Instead, remember the words of Solomon:
"That which has been is that which will be,
And that which has been done is that which will be done.
So there is nothing new under the sun."
(Ecclesiastes 1:9)
Does this mean that we are without hope? Will things ever change? On the contrary, they certainly can, but we must stop looking underneath the sun for change and instead look to the heavens.
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."
(2 Corinthians 5:17)
(NASB)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
"Stairs"
Falling
Down the
Stairs is not
Fun. It hurts and
People will laugh at
You. Make sure to hold
The rail if you don't want to
End up bruised and battered.
Falling
Down the
Stairs is not
Fun. It hurts and
People will laugh at
You. Make sure to hold
The rail if you don't want to
End up bruised and battered.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday Monologue
Optimized Workspace
For those of us who spend our days fulfilling tasks with various degrees of tediosity* and difficulty, it can be difficult at times to stay productive. One of the most important and most overlooked aspects of productivity is developing an optimized workspace.
What is an optimized workspace? This is a fancy term (invented by myself) to describe an environment where you can comfortably accomplish tasks. This could be your desk in your office, the garage where you fix stuff or the chair in which you read. The problem is that these workspaces are too often in a state that actually hinders productivity.
The number one obstacle to an optimized workspace is clutter. This should be pretty obvious; it's hard to concentrate when you're up to your armpits in garbage. Make a consistent appointment to clean up your workspace. For example, make sure that every Friday you clean up your desk, sharpen your pencils, sweep the floor, do the laundry, etc. While periodically cleaning can be tedious, it pays off dividends when an emergency arises and you don't have time to worry about all the post-its you've had on your wall for weeks.
It's also important to consider more subtle factors in your workspace. Is there proper lighting? Is your chair comfortable? Do you find yourself searching for things at a critical time? Do you spend more time figuring out what you're supposed to be doing instead of doing it?
Unfortunately, we can't control every aspect of our environments. If our neighbor decides to blast their music while we're trying to study, there's not much we can do about that. An annoying co-worker has to be worked with, not removed. If you decide that you'd rather have a carpet instead of a hardwood floor, that might have to wait for a while.
But it can be surprising how much a little change can improve our performance. Here are the most common ways that I optimize my workspace:
Clean up the desk
If you find yourself staring at stacks of paper on your desk that have been there so long you can't remember what they're meant for, it's time to put those in a filing cabinet, or better yet, the garbage. Cans of soda, inkless pens, and random knickknacks can find a home in the garbage as well.
Clean up the desktop
Does the desktop on your computer look like a forest of files? Do you find yourself spending a lot of time searching your computer for necessary things? Organize the things you click on according to this principle: Keep the things you use the most the closest.
Open a window
If you find yourself feeling stuffy, let some air in! While the air outside may not be at the most desirable temperature, at least leave the window open for a few minutes to air out the room before turning the air conditioner or heater back on.
Sit (or stand) straight
Remember when your mom told you not to slouch? It sure is hard to focus when your back is killing you. Good posture is the way to have relaxed muscles.
And to illustrate this point, I give you this scene from Men In Black:
* The quality of being tedious
For those of us who spend our days fulfilling tasks with various degrees of tediosity* and difficulty, it can be difficult at times to stay productive. One of the most important and most overlooked aspects of productivity is developing an optimized workspace.
What is an optimized workspace? This is a fancy term (invented by myself) to describe an environment where you can comfortably accomplish tasks. This could be your desk in your office, the garage where you fix stuff or the chair in which you read. The problem is that these workspaces are too often in a state that actually hinders productivity.
The number one obstacle to an optimized workspace is clutter. This should be pretty obvious; it's hard to concentrate when you're up to your armpits in garbage. Make a consistent appointment to clean up your workspace. For example, make sure that every Friday you clean up your desk, sharpen your pencils, sweep the floor, do the laundry, etc. While periodically cleaning can be tedious, it pays off dividends when an emergency arises and you don't have time to worry about all the post-its you've had on your wall for weeks.
It's also important to consider more subtle factors in your workspace. Is there proper lighting? Is your chair comfortable? Do you find yourself searching for things at a critical time? Do you spend more time figuring out what you're supposed to be doing instead of doing it?
Unfortunately, we can't control every aspect of our environments. If our neighbor decides to blast their music while we're trying to study, there's not much we can do about that. An annoying co-worker has to be worked with, not removed. If you decide that you'd rather have a carpet instead of a hardwood floor, that might have to wait for a while.
But it can be surprising how much a little change can improve our performance. Here are the most common ways that I optimize my workspace:
Clean up the desk
If you find yourself staring at stacks of paper on your desk that have been there so long you can't remember what they're meant for, it's time to put those in a filing cabinet, or better yet, the garbage. Cans of soda, inkless pens, and random knickknacks can find a home in the garbage as well.
Clean up the desktop
Does the desktop on your computer look like a forest of files? Do you find yourself spending a lot of time searching your computer for necessary things? Organize the things you click on according to this principle: Keep the things you use the most the closest.
Open a window
If you find yourself feeling stuffy, let some air in! While the air outside may not be at the most desirable temperature, at least leave the window open for a few minutes to air out the room before turning the air conditioner or heater back on.
Sit (or stand) straight
Remember when your mom told you not to slouch? It sure is hard to focus when your back is killing you. Good posture is the way to have relaxed muscles.
And to illustrate this point, I give you this scene from Men In Black:
* The quality of being tedious
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A College Question Answered
Michael says,
Ah, yes, what you are saying is a common complaint of students who are frustrated by distribution requirements. I am usually a firm proponent of obtaining a broad education, so I will speak in favor of it now.
First, in an abstract sense, what area of study truly stands alone? History, for example, is inextricably tied up with political science, archaeology, sociology, and economics, just to name a few. Although a chemist might claim independence of the physicist, any practical application of their work requires an understanding of both chemistry and physics. Perhaps mathematics, in its abstract idealizations, may be able to stand on its own strength, but even that is an issue for discussion in the realm of philosophy. And of course, the field of neuroscience is involved in everything because everything we know is contained in our brains.
My point is that while we might be under the impression that we only need to study a limited field of knowledge in order to function well in our chosen career, when it comes to the actual application of our talents in our professions and vocations we are much better served by having a wide spread of knowledge that may or may not have obvious relations for what we think we will be doing.
Now, you might say, that is all well and good, but still, what does biology have to do with Deaf Studies? If you were in a vocational, technical, or trade school, I might agree that your time in biology class might be better spent elsewhere. However, Deaf Studies is only your major. By no means should majoring in a particular field unalterably mean that you must pursue a career in that field, and your college curriculum is set up with this in mind. As for myself, I am planning to graduate with a Bachelors of the Arts with a major in English. At my school, only about a quarter of all the classes I have and will take can be classified as “English” classes. Rather, I am obtaining a broad education that will enable me to have quite a few options when considering a career and further education.
This is really the point of having distribution requirements, which can have you taking classes that you would never consider taking otherwise. As an added bonus, you may sign up for an introductory class that initially seems uninteresting to you and later find out that you have a real aptitude and interest in that field.
However, there is a good way and a bad way to handle these requirements on the part of the college or university.
Bad way: stick students who are majoring in the particular field in the same class as the students who are being forced to take the class. It is easy to see how this can quickly lead to problems.
Good way: provide separate classes for non-majors that take into account that the students taking these classes may not be the most enthusiastic and may not have developed certain skills that would be expected of students specializing in that field.
These three kinds of classes are fundamentally different. A class for majors is interested in teaching the material to students well enough for them to use that knowledge in their further studies as well as any potential practical application. A class for non-majors should work a little harder to make the material relevant for the students as well as having reasonable expectations for the capabilities of the students. Also, a class for non-majors will often be focused on teaching the methods of thought and approaches rather than purely technical details. A mixed class has to try to achieve all of these goals, which is impossible, or else leave a significant portion of the class utterly dissatisfied.
If you find yourself studying something that seems useless to you, look again. You never know which pieces of information will prove vital for you.
That said, some things aren’t useful for everybody. Nobody can study everything; choose carefully what classes you take, what you read, and who you listen to.
I’d like you to make a post regarding college curriculum. Why does it even make sense for me to take biology when my major is DEAF STUDIES? I’m studying American Sign Language and Deaf culture…I’m not trying to conduct experiments as to WHY people go deaf…
Ah, yes, what you are saying is a common complaint of students who are frustrated by distribution requirements. I am usually a firm proponent of obtaining a broad education, so I will speak in favor of it now.
First, in an abstract sense, what area of study truly stands alone? History, for example, is inextricably tied up with political science, archaeology, sociology, and economics, just to name a few. Although a chemist might claim independence of the physicist, any practical application of their work requires an understanding of both chemistry and physics. Perhaps mathematics, in its abstract idealizations, may be able to stand on its own strength, but even that is an issue for discussion in the realm of philosophy. And of course, the field of neuroscience is involved in everything because everything we know is contained in our brains.
My point is that while we might be under the impression that we only need to study a limited field of knowledge in order to function well in our chosen career, when it comes to the actual application of our talents in our professions and vocations we are much better served by having a wide spread of knowledge that may or may not have obvious relations for what we think we will be doing.
Now, you might say, that is all well and good, but still, what does biology have to do with Deaf Studies? If you were in a vocational, technical, or trade school, I might agree that your time in biology class might be better spent elsewhere. However, Deaf Studies is only your major. By no means should majoring in a particular field unalterably mean that you must pursue a career in that field, and your college curriculum is set up with this in mind. As for myself, I am planning to graduate with a Bachelors of the Arts with a major in English. At my school, only about a quarter of all the classes I have and will take can be classified as “English” classes. Rather, I am obtaining a broad education that will enable me to have quite a few options when considering a career and further education.
This is really the point of having distribution requirements, which can have you taking classes that you would never consider taking otherwise. As an added bonus, you may sign up for an introductory class that initially seems uninteresting to you and later find out that you have a real aptitude and interest in that field.
However, there is a good way and a bad way to handle these requirements on the part of the college or university.
Bad way: stick students who are majoring in the particular field in the same class as the students who are being forced to take the class. It is easy to see how this can quickly lead to problems.
Good way: provide separate classes for non-majors that take into account that the students taking these classes may not be the most enthusiastic and may not have developed certain skills that would be expected of students specializing in that field.
These three kinds of classes are fundamentally different. A class for majors is interested in teaching the material to students well enough for them to use that knowledge in their further studies as well as any potential practical application. A class for non-majors should work a little harder to make the material relevant for the students as well as having reasonable expectations for the capabilities of the students. Also, a class for non-majors will often be focused on teaching the methods of thought and approaches rather than purely technical details. A mixed class has to try to achieve all of these goals, which is impossible, or else leave a significant portion of the class utterly dissatisfied.
If you find yourself studying something that seems useless to you, look again. You never know which pieces of information will prove vital for you.
That said, some things aren’t useful for everybody. Nobody can study everything; choose carefully what classes you take, what you read, and who you listen to.
A Study Question Answered
Michael asks,
I think the first thing to remember is that professors don’t get paid to be nice. Sure, most teachers could probably do a better job at teaching if they had a little more niceness sprinkled on them, but it’s just not in the job description.
On top of that, the average professor has to deal with a lot of frustrating things. Should a professor allow that frustration to bleed over into their classroom manner? Of course not, but there’s really no punishment (besides negative student feedback) for behaving insensitively. The bottom line is, don’t be surprised when you encounter a cranky professor and don’t kill yourself worrying about it.
With that said, your primary concern is learning the material and/or getting the grade you want in the course.
It’s not unusual to feel like lecture time is unhelpful for your personal studies. It is very difficult, especially in larger classrooms, to teach in a manner that every student can find useful. If you read the material, pay attention in class, and still don’t feel comfortable with what you’re studying, it’s time to take more social approaches to learning.
Here are some things to try:
1. Office Hours
Arrange a time to meet with a professor and/or TA. Show up with specific questions about specific material; hopefully they will be able to help.
2. Study with other students
Whether it’s as simple as asking someone else in the class, or as involved as getting a tutor or gathering a few classmates to study together, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will get three basic types of responses:
- students who know everything already and are too busy to help you (these are the students who will graduate and become like the professor you described)
- students who are just as confused as you are
- students who can answer your question or at least give another way to look at the material
In my experience, most students are in the second group. But the idea that I’m trying to get across is to talk to those around you. You never know who might be able to help.
As a fellow collegian student,ok this is a long question…
What study strategy would you recommend to a student who normally absorbs everything through the lecture while recording notes and normally would do better on exams when they don’t study their notes than when they do?
Reason for asking is I have a Biology II professor that lectures with no explanation, only terms, then definition, then terms, terms, terms, and definition. The whole class is so busy recording notes that they can’t absorb or process anything that the professor is saying. She just goes on and on and on and on.
IF you attempt to stop her and ask her to clarify, which is what she asked us to do in the beginning of both semesters (This is my second time taking the class with the same professor), she just goes off on a tangent and insults you for not keeping up.
Advice?
I think the first thing to remember is that professors don’t get paid to be nice. Sure, most teachers could probably do a better job at teaching if they had a little more niceness sprinkled on them, but it’s just not in the job description.
On top of that, the average professor has to deal with a lot of frustrating things. Should a professor allow that frustration to bleed over into their classroom manner? Of course not, but there’s really no punishment (besides negative student feedback) for behaving insensitively. The bottom line is, don’t be surprised when you encounter a cranky professor and don’t kill yourself worrying about it.
With that said, your primary concern is learning the material and/or getting the grade you want in the course.
It’s not unusual to feel like lecture time is unhelpful for your personal studies. It is very difficult, especially in larger classrooms, to teach in a manner that every student can find useful. If you read the material, pay attention in class, and still don’t feel comfortable with what you’re studying, it’s time to take more social approaches to learning.
Here are some things to try:
1. Office Hours
Arrange a time to meet with a professor and/or TA. Show up with specific questions about specific material; hopefully they will be able to help.
2. Study with other students
Whether it’s as simple as asking someone else in the class, or as involved as getting a tutor or gathering a few classmates to study together, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will get three basic types of responses:
- students who know everything already and are too busy to help you (these are the students who will graduate and become like the professor you described)
- students who are just as confused as you are
- students who can answer your question or at least give another way to look at the material
In my experience, most students are in the second group. But the idea that I’m trying to get across is to talk to those around you. You never know who might be able to help.
Foolish Phrases (Part III)
“Studies have shown…”
Really? What kind of studies? More importantly, can you show me where to find these studies so that I can read them? This sort of thing (showing your readers or listeners where you got your information from) is called a reference. References are useful in demonstrating that you are not just making up whatever you are talking about. Unfortunately, in many instances where this phrase is used the speaker has no references and doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Instead, they read or heard a “studies have shown…” and are merely repeating what they have heard because of confirmation bias. So, this particular phrase is especially dangerous because it actually propagates itself. It’s like a virus. Beware.
Alternate solutions:
- Use a footnote or endnote
- Include a link (if you found your information on the internet (which is another issue))
- “As you will find in this particular study in this particular year…”
- “Mr. Authority On The Subject Says…”
Really? What kind of studies? More importantly, can you show me where to find these studies so that I can read them? This sort of thing (showing your readers or listeners where you got your information from) is called a reference. References are useful in demonstrating that you are not just making up whatever you are talking about. Unfortunately, in many instances where this phrase is used the speaker has no references and doesn’t know what he/she is talking about. Instead, they read or heard a “studies have shown…” and are merely repeating what they have heard because of confirmation bias. So, this particular phrase is especially dangerous because it actually propagates itself. It’s like a virus. Beware.
Alternate solutions:
- Use a footnote or endnote
- Include a link (if you found your information on the internet (which is another issue))
- “As you will find in this particular study in this particular year…”
- “Mr. Authority On The Subject Says…”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)