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Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday Monologue
Sickness
Nowhere is pain more objectless than in sickness. Even a mere cold brings aches to the head, pressure to the sinuses, spasmodic sneezing and wretched coughing. Not to mention the general dull ache throughout the muscles that influenza brings.
Perhaps the only thing worse than sickness is treatment. Whether you are in the sterile whiteness of the hospital or under the overbearing care of the relative, treatment always hurts before it heals. Anesthetic can bring relief but only leads to more deadness of the senses and feeling.
Doctors know this, so they avoid anesthetic whenever possible. And so treatment is painful. The homemade remedies, the needles and the vomit, even the body inflicts pain upon itself, as if one could forget that one was sick!
But maybe we would forget. Maybe without the pain we would not know danger. Without danger, what experience could we have? So the seasonal sicknesses humble us, remind us of our fragile nature, and keep us careful. A careless man is a wasteful man.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Thoughtful Thursday
Be Nice to People
At the place where I am interning this summer, many people call or walk into the office while they are extremely angry. For the most part, they have good reasons to be angry. They usually have very real and urgent problems that need a solution. However, anger, on its own, has never solved a problem. Useful anger must spur action.
However, the same anger that brought about action quickly becomes detrimental to success. This is always the case when achieving a goal requires the involvement of multiple people. If your goal is something that you can accomplish by yourself, go ahead and be as angry as you want. However, if you need to convince people to help you, being angry is going to be a problem. People don't want to be around or help angry people because anger always lashes out and hurts the people who are closest.
Instead of being angry, be calm and goal-oriented. If the priority is to achieve the goal, put aside the anger, because it's not helping. Instead, be nice to people! People like to be around and help other people who are nice.
However, it's not enough to act nice. It's very easy to pretend to be nice and friendly while maintaining another agenda that isn't very nice. The problem is that eventually these hidden motives will be revealed and the people who were once on your side will no longer want to help you.
If you are genuinely interested in the welfare of those around you, though, you'll find friends who will stick with you no matter how unpopular you get. Those are the friends worth having and that is a life worth living.
At the place where I am interning this summer, many people call or walk into the office while they are extremely angry. For the most part, they have good reasons to be angry. They usually have very real and urgent problems that need a solution. However, anger, on its own, has never solved a problem. Useful anger must spur action.
However, the same anger that brought about action quickly becomes detrimental to success. This is always the case when achieving a goal requires the involvement of multiple people. If your goal is something that you can accomplish by yourself, go ahead and be as angry as you want. However, if you need to convince people to help you, being angry is going to be a problem. People don't want to be around or help angry people because anger always lashes out and hurts the people who are closest.
Instead of being angry, be calm and goal-oriented. If the priority is to achieve the goal, put aside the anger, because it's not helping. Instead, be nice to people! People like to be around and help other people who are nice.
However, it's not enough to act nice. It's very easy to pretend to be nice and friendly while maintaining another agenda that isn't very nice. The problem is that eventually these hidden motives will be revealed and the people who were once on your side will no longer want to help you.
If you are genuinely interested in the welfare of those around you, though, you'll find friends who will stick with you no matter how unpopular you get. Those are the friends worth having and that is a life worth living.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Poetry Tuesday
Give a hand,
But don't give both.
It helps to give some,
We're all in the same boat.
But to pull someone up
You need one hand to grab, another to hold.
Together we can get
Out of this hole.
Don't look down,
There's nothing there.
Keep looking up,
Salvation is here.
But don't give both.
It helps to give some,
We're all in the same boat.
But to pull someone up
You need one hand to grab, another to hold.
Together we can get
Out of this hole.
Don't look down,
There's nothing there.
Keep looking up,
Salvation is here.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Monday Monologue
Lakers vs. Celtics, Game Two
I hate to rant about sports stuff in this space, but last night's game in Los Angeles took it too far. The refereeing was absolutely atrocious and ruined what could have been one of the best games ever. Three of Kobe Bryant's fouls were terrible calls and Kevin Garnett clearly knocked the ball out of bounds.
Who am I rooting for in this series? The Lakers. I will tell you why I am rooting for the Lakers and why I feel guilty about this whole situation.
It may be embarrassing to admit this, but I am an intensely devoted Knicks fan. For the past few years I've watched the Knicks play worse than the Washington Senators. For a while it was just because Isaiah Thomas destroyed the team. Then it was because the Knicks were trying to clear cap space for Lebron James in the summer of 2010.
After all this time, the summer of 2010 is here. Lo and behold, the Knicks have cap space galore. Everything is falling into place.
Until the Cavaliers and the Celtics met in the playoffs.
Then, as a Knick fan, I had a dilemma. I could root for Cleveland to beat Boston, which makes total sense when you consider my intense hatred of all Boston sports. A deep-seated anger rises up whenever I hear or see the name Boston. Perhaps I should have rooted for Cleveland.
But no. I rooted for Boston. I rooted for the Celtics hoping that an early Cleveland exit in the playoffs would help the apparently slim chances of Lebron leaving the Cavaliers for the Knicks. "Anything is worth Lebron," I told myself. So I cheered for the Celtics.
Now, it's all blowing up in my face.
See, it doesn't look like Lebron is going to come to New York anyway. So there really wasn't any point in me rooting for the Celtics. I committed sports adultery for no good reason. "It won't matter anyway," I told myself. "The Celtics will never beat the Magic. And even if they do, the Lakers will crush them in the Finals. No worries."
But now, the Celtics are three games away from defeating the Lakers in the Finals. I can't handle another Boston championship. I really can't. It was bad enough when the Red Sox beat the Yankees in 2004, and then won another World Series in 2007. It was bad enough when the Patriots won all those Super Bowls. It was bad enough when the Celtics won in 2008.
If there is any chance that I helped the Celtics win by cheering for them against the Cavaliers, I don't know how I could live with myself as a New York fan. But this all goes away if the Lakers win the series. I need it to all go away.
So referees, please call the game accurately? Thanks.
I hate to rant about sports stuff in this space, but last night's game in Los Angeles took it too far. The refereeing was absolutely atrocious and ruined what could have been one of the best games ever. Three of Kobe Bryant's fouls were terrible calls and Kevin Garnett clearly knocked the ball out of bounds.
Who am I rooting for in this series? The Lakers. I will tell you why I am rooting for the Lakers and why I feel guilty about this whole situation.
It may be embarrassing to admit this, but I am an intensely devoted Knicks fan. For the past few years I've watched the Knicks play worse than the Washington Senators. For a while it was just because Isaiah Thomas destroyed the team. Then it was because the Knicks were trying to clear cap space for Lebron James in the summer of 2010.
After all this time, the summer of 2010 is here. Lo and behold, the Knicks have cap space galore. Everything is falling into place.
Until the Cavaliers and the Celtics met in the playoffs.
Then, as a Knick fan, I had a dilemma. I could root for Cleveland to beat Boston, which makes total sense when you consider my intense hatred of all Boston sports. A deep-seated anger rises up whenever I hear or see the name Boston. Perhaps I should have rooted for Cleveland.
But no. I rooted for Boston. I rooted for the Celtics hoping that an early Cleveland exit in the playoffs would help the apparently slim chances of Lebron leaving the Cavaliers for the Knicks. "Anything is worth Lebron," I told myself. So I cheered for the Celtics.
Now, it's all blowing up in my face.
See, it doesn't look like Lebron is going to come to New York anyway. So there really wasn't any point in me rooting for the Celtics. I committed sports adultery for no good reason. "It won't matter anyway," I told myself. "The Celtics will never beat the Magic. And even if they do, the Lakers will crush them in the Finals. No worries."
But now, the Celtics are three games away from defeating the Lakers in the Finals. I can't handle another Boston championship. I really can't. It was bad enough when the Red Sox beat the Yankees in 2004, and then won another World Series in 2007. It was bad enough when the Patriots won all those Super Bowls. It was bad enough when the Celtics won in 2008.
If there is any chance that I helped the Celtics win by cheering for them against the Cavaliers, I don't know how I could live with myself as a New York fan. But this all goes away if the Lakers win the series. I need it to all go away.
So referees, please call the game accurately? Thanks.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Funny Friday
On Monday night, a roach was killed in a vicious beating.
Members of the local Pesticide Unit found the victim, Norman Roach, at 11:32 p.m. The corpse was discovered near the sofa, close to the window.
“The roach in question was found with multiple injuries and quite dead by the time we arrived,” said Detective Waterbug, the lead detective on the case. “We are treating this as a hate crime.”
So far, no arrests have been made. “We don’t have any definite leads, but we have a idea of where to look,” Waterbug said.
The autopsy revealed what the police had suspected. Dr. Andrew James, a noted expert in the field of roach killings, told us, “This roach was beaten to death with a large, blunt object, no doubt. Something like a shoe or a boot.”
“Those are the most common types of murder weapons in roach killings,” he added.
With Dr. James’ expert opinion and Waterbug’s comment that they might have a suspect in mind, it was asked if that suspect was Josh’s left chancla. Waterbug declined to comment, saying, “I am not at liberty to disclose that kind of information.”
Dr. James said, “It shouldn’t be too hard to find the perpetrator. Norman was a big, strong roach. It would have taken several strong strikes to crush him like that.”
However, Waterbug has expressed doubts. “If no eyewitnesses come forward,” he said, “It’s going to be hard to pin this down on anybody.”
As the investigation continues, the wife of Norman Roach has come forward, saying, “Who could have done this? Norman was a good roach, he never did nothing to no one. Sure, he took a few crumbs here and there, who hasn’t? But he’s a family man, he’s leaving behind 200 children! That’s a lot of mouths to feed, won’t somebody catch whoever’s responsible?”
Within the past few months there have been a rash of roach killings, including a mass murder that took place two weeks ago. Four roaches were found dead near the kitchen sink. No arrests have been made in any of these cases. In addition, poison and traps of various kinds have been sighted throughout the area, leading some to wonder when this persecution of roaches will end.
Bob Roach, a self-proclaimed advocate for roach rights, commented, “See, a situation like this just shows how little respect roaches get around here. A roach, one of our neighbors, is killed in a senseless act of violence and nobody bats an antenna. It’s only a matter of time before we roaches wake up to the injustices that are being committed against us and band together to fight for ourselves. We have just as much a right to this space as anyone.”
More roaches could not be reached for comment, although the kitchen was checked thoroughly.
A hasty funeral was held for the deceased in Josh’s bathroom. Unfortunately, as the toilet flushed and sent Mr. Roach to his watery grave, none of his family members were able to attend.
“It’s a shame,” Josh said. “I would have liked to introduce them to my right chancla.”
Members of the local Pesticide Unit found the victim, Norman Roach, at 11:32 p.m. The corpse was discovered near the sofa, close to the window.
“The roach in question was found with multiple injuries and quite dead by the time we arrived,” said Detective Waterbug, the lead detective on the case. “We are treating this as a hate crime.”
So far, no arrests have been made. “We don’t have any definite leads, but we have a idea of where to look,” Waterbug said.
The autopsy revealed what the police had suspected. Dr. Andrew James, a noted expert in the field of roach killings, told us, “This roach was beaten to death with a large, blunt object, no doubt. Something like a shoe or a boot.”
“Those are the most common types of murder weapons in roach killings,” he added.
With Dr. James’ expert opinion and Waterbug’s comment that they might have a suspect in mind, it was asked if that suspect was Josh’s left chancla. Waterbug declined to comment, saying, “I am not at liberty to disclose that kind of information.”
Dr. James said, “It shouldn’t be too hard to find the perpetrator. Norman was a big, strong roach. It would have taken several strong strikes to crush him like that.”
However, Waterbug has expressed doubts. “If no eyewitnesses come forward,” he said, “It’s going to be hard to pin this down on anybody.”
As the investigation continues, the wife of Norman Roach has come forward, saying, “Who could have done this? Norman was a good roach, he never did nothing to no one. Sure, he took a few crumbs here and there, who hasn’t? But he’s a family man, he’s leaving behind 200 children! That’s a lot of mouths to feed, won’t somebody catch whoever’s responsible?”
Within the past few months there have been a rash of roach killings, including a mass murder that took place two weeks ago. Four roaches were found dead near the kitchen sink. No arrests have been made in any of these cases. In addition, poison and traps of various kinds have been sighted throughout the area, leading some to wonder when this persecution of roaches will end.
Bob Roach, a self-proclaimed advocate for roach rights, commented, “See, a situation like this just shows how little respect roaches get around here. A roach, one of our neighbors, is killed in a senseless act of violence and nobody bats an antenna. It’s only a matter of time before we roaches wake up to the injustices that are being committed against us and band together to fight for ourselves. We have just as much a right to this space as anyone.”
More roaches could not be reached for comment, although the kitchen was checked thoroughly.
A hasty funeral was held for the deceased in Josh’s bathroom. Unfortunately, as the toilet flushed and sent Mr. Roach to his watery grave, none of his family members were able to attend.
“It’s a shame,” Josh said. “I would have liked to introduce them to my right chancla.”
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Poetry Tuesday
Boxes and Burgers
Here is an empty box;
I will fill it up with socks.
Every box must hold something;
Better to be full than full of nothing.
Boxes are made to be filled;
Burgers are made to be grilled.
We must eat every burger;
Better to eat, go no further.
Here is an empty box;
I will fill it up with socks.
Every box must hold something;
Better to be full than full of nothing.
Boxes are made to be filled;
Burgers are made to be grilled.
We must eat every burger;
Better to eat, go no further.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Funny Friday
The other day I was playing Pokemon (don't judge me!) and I was faced with a terrible decision. I would have to choose between a turtle, a monkey, or a penguin. Of course, this prompted me to ask the age-old question:Turtle, monkey, or penguin?
Turtles
Turtles are generally awesome because of their shell. Anytime a turtle is like, "Whoa buddy! Danger!" he can just hide in his shell and chill until things are cool. Turtles are good at swimming and they have strong mouths for eating stuff. Other positive things about turtles include the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Franklin, and turtle soup. The spanish word for turtle is tortuga, which is fun to say. Tortuga!
Monkeys
Monkeys are more obviously awesome. They're like people, only smarter, or something like that. Anyway, monkeys are fast and agile, being able to jump around trees and stuff. Monkeys were some of the first astronauts, even before humans. There have been plenty of famous monkeys throughout history, including Curious George, sock monkeys, Koko, Abu, Donkey Kong, AiAi, and the Rally Monkey. Monkeys can also ride bicycles.
Penguins
Penguins are popular mostly because they look like tuxedoes. Or tuxedoes look like penguins, I can never figure out which. Penguins are apparently important enough to have a movie about them with Morgan Freeman in it. I didn't see it, but yeah. Penguins are so cool that they can chill at the North Pole without freaking out. The list of penguins holds such illustrious names as Chilly Willy, Feathers McGraw, Pablo, Tux, King Dedede, and Oswald Cobblepot. There is a professional sports team named after this arctic animal.The verdict?
I want them all! A turmonpen or a tlekeyguin.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thoughtful Thursday
Foolish Phrases VII
"People are weird."
There are many variations of the above phrase, including but not limited to, "People are crazy," "People are strange," "People are fake," etc. What makes all of these phrases foolish? The truth is that all of these phrases are inherently subjective. We just those around us based upon our own prejudices and limited information, and come to grand conclusions such as, "people are weird". So, while you are telling me that "people are weird", just know that I am listening to you, smiling, and thinking, "Wow, what a weird person." And of course, someone else is looking at me and thinking the exact same thing. So judge not, lest ye be judged.
"People are weird."
There are many variations of the above phrase, including but not limited to, "People are crazy," "People are strange," "People are fake," etc. What makes all of these phrases foolish? The truth is that all of these phrases are inherently subjective. We just those around us based upon our own prejudices and limited information, and come to grand conclusions such as, "people are weird". So, while you are telling me that "people are weird", just know that I am listening to you, smiling, and thinking, "Wow, what a weird person." And of course, someone else is looking at me and thinking the exact same thing. So judge not, lest ye be judged.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Thoughtful Thursday
It's really hot. It's so hot, even I think it's hot. Normally, I'm the guy who thinks that it should be 90 degrees and humid every day of the year. But the thermostat in my house says that it's about 80 degrees right now and it feels really hot.
What is heat anyways? Is it the absence of cold? Is it particles moving fast? Is it something you get from the oven?
Whatever it is, there's definitely too much of it in my room right now. The sun has already set, but all day it was raining heat. My laptop gives off a ton of heat; even my own body gives off more heat than I can bear right now.
I could go to the freezer, of course, and get some ice cubes. They would be really cold and I think that'd feel nice. But how do you make ice cubes? You plug in the freezer to an outlet, and electricity comes from the power plant, which is probably burning oil, gas, or coal. In order to get this cold ice cube, a whole lot of heat has to be given off.
The same is true of the air conditioner, which also uses electricity. And yet I turn on the air conditioner and put ice cubes in my drink, all for the sake of getting rid of heat.
Would I die without air conditioning and ice cubes? No way. But I use them anyway despite the fact that I'm contributing to pollution and all the other bad things that come from the overconsumption of resources. All for the sake of comfort, which apparently is more valuable than the economy and the environment.
Think about it.
What is heat anyways? Is it the absence of cold? Is it particles moving fast? Is it something you get from the oven?
Whatever it is, there's definitely too much of it in my room right now. The sun has already set, but all day it was raining heat. My laptop gives off a ton of heat; even my own body gives off more heat than I can bear right now.
I could go to the freezer, of course, and get some ice cubes. They would be really cold and I think that'd feel nice. But how do you make ice cubes? You plug in the freezer to an outlet, and electricity comes from the power plant, which is probably burning oil, gas, or coal. In order to get this cold ice cube, a whole lot of heat has to be given off.
The same is true of the air conditioner, which also uses electricity. And yet I turn on the air conditioner and put ice cubes in my drink, all for the sake of getting rid of heat.
Would I die without air conditioning and ice cubes? No way. But I use them anyway despite the fact that I'm contributing to pollution and all the other bad things that come from the overconsumption of resources. All for the sake of comfort, which apparently is more valuable than the economy and the environment.
Think about it.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
How To Be Cool
Be popular
If everybody likes you, you are cool. Listening to pop music, wearing popular styles, and speaking popular slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the more you look and act like everybody else, the cooler you are.
Be unpopular
If nobody likes you, you are cool. Listening to indie music, wearing strange clothing, and creating your own slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the less you are like anyone else, the cooler you are.
Be popular
If everybody likes you, you are cool. Listening to pop music, wearing popular styles, and speaking popular slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the more you look and act like everybody else, the cooler you are.
Be unpopular
If nobody likes you, you are cool. Listening to indie music, wearing strange clothing, and creating your own slang is a sure way to be cool. In fact, the less you are like anyone else, the cooler you are.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thoughtful Thursday
How To Be Cool
Be Smart
Get a bunch of degrees, read a lot of books and newspapers, wear glasses, and speak proper English. This will make you cool.
Be Dumb
Drop out of school, eschew books, wear baseball caps, and speak a lot of slang. This will make you cool.
Be Smart
Get a bunch of degrees, read a lot of books and newspapers, wear glasses, and speak proper English. This will make you cool.
Be Dumb
Drop out of school, eschew books, wear baseball caps, and speak a lot of slang. This will make you cool.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Poetry Tuesday
The Null Hypothesis
Significance? Significance!?
Not at all, not in this instance.
Want to hear a joke? Relevance.
Au contraire, what is real is chance.
Even Voltaire can't change my stance,
Not for all of the bread of France.
Stubborn? No, my pate is emanced!
Oh, I know there is much romance
In thinking we control our dance;
Do not forget that in your pants
Are the creatures that we call ants;
So small, yet how you prance and prance!
For at just the tip of a lance,
Your promises are blown to Nantes.
Significance? Significance!?
Not at all, not in this instance.
Want to hear a joke? Relevance.
Au contraire, what is real is chance.
Even Voltaire can't change my stance,
Not for all of the bread of France.
Stubborn? No, my pate is emanced!
Oh, I know there is much romance
In thinking we control our dance;
Do not forget that in your pants
Are the creatures that we call ants;
So small, yet how you prance and prance!
For at just the tip of a lance,
Your promises are blown to Nantes.
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