Monday Monologue

Bothersome New Yorkers (Part I)

Today I would like to lodge a formal complaint against people who walk in the middle of the sidewalk.

Now, as I walk through the concrete canyons of Manhattan, I understand that I might be rubbing shoulders with someone who is rich enough to own their own street. However, most people do not own streets; most streets are public property. That means everybody has a fair chance to use the sidewalk.

Pray tell, then, good pedestrian, why do you walk in the middle of the sidewalk so that none may pass?

I understand that it may be difficult for you to empathize with my plot. Perhaps you have never been in a hurry in your life. If that were the case, then you would simply not be able to understand my desire to move beyond your slow gait. However, please try to understand. I do not wish to spend my entire day walking behind you, particularly when your top speed is a block an hour.

I really don’t want to walk right through you. I would like to walk… around you. But here is the problem. I cannot walk around you if doing so would lead me to walk into oncoming pedestrians, oncoming automobiles, or a wall. I simply wouldn’t do that.

So as you traverse the great city of New York, please have an ounce of spatial awareness. If you’re not going to be walking at a brisk pace, pick a side of the sidewalk and stick to it. Is that too much to ask?